My Conversations with MYSELF

[Arashi] Doubt versus Love - Chapter 29

Thu, 27 Nov 2008 02:03:57 GMT

Pairing: OhnoXNino
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: You're an idiot if you sue.
Summary: The final showdown, sorta.
A/N: Last chapter, girls, on Ohno's birthday. Enjoy <3

Chapter 29 - I'll be back II:

"I just don't want you to go."

Nino froze. A traitorous tendril of hope rose in him yet again; he had lost count of how many times he had dreamt, had hoped, that Ohno would say those words to him. He had tried, really tried, but that little piece of his heart still hoped that all the possessiveness and care Ohno had shown him was because Ohno loved him.

No…

Enough was enough. Ninomiya Kazunari wasn’t supposed to be this pathetic. Ninomiya Kazunari wasn’t supposed to be panting after such a deluded fantasy like a desperate man dying of thirst. Ninomiya Kazunari wasn’t going to let his heart get broken and trampled on yet again. Nino had enough. Hadn’t he?

But yet…

“Why, Oh-chan, why?”

Nino could hear the hollow desperation and that tiny bit of hope in his own voice. He was pathetic, he knew it just too well, but he couldn’t help it. It was all he had left to hold on to. After all that he had gone through, he could allow himself this one last time; one last piece of hope.

Ohno didn’t seem to hear him though. The older man still clung onto Nino, face turned away from Nino. “I don’t want you to go, Nino,” Ohno repeated so softly that Nino wasn’t even sure that Ohno was talking to him. “You can’t go.”

Oh yes he could. Nino was a free man. He could go wherever he wished. All he had to do was to convince his own self that.

“I won’t let you go. You’re mine. Mine. I won’t let you go. You can’t go. You’re mine. I won’t let you… Don’t go, Nino, don’t go….”

Nino stifled a sob. Every single word, soft as they may be, cut deep into him. Once upon a time, he’d have done anything; even murder, just for Ohno to say this to him, to claim possession over him. He would have been satisfied with that little scrap of affection. However, that time was a thing of the past. He was selfish. He was greedy. He wanted more than just being Ohno’s possession; Ohno’s little play toy. He wanted Ohno to love him back.

Horrible, wasn’t he?

He was a cruel, selfish and despicable person; someone who was willing to hurt the person he claimed to love just so that he could fulfil his fanciful fantasy of a relationship with Ohno. He didn’t deserve Ohno’s trust, didn’t deserve Ohno’s friendship, didn’t deserve Ohno. Not after all that he had done.

Nino let his eyes slid shut, his head falling back to rest against the wall. It was difficult, standing there and not let his arms slide themselves around Ohno like he wanted to so desperately. He was starkly aware of the body heat that wasn’t his own but yet still so familiar.

They were so close. Physical intimacy had never been a problem between the two of them. Even before Miyuki, before Nino had decided to let love rear its ugly head; they had never thought much of wounding an arm around the other’s waist or linking their hands together. It slowly grew into an addiction for Nino, and he despicably continued to carry on the charade of Ohno’s best friend while stealing not-so-innocent touches. They were so close; Nino had made sure of that.

Just like how they were so close emotionally before. They were best friends. They thought they understood each other more than anyone else in the world. And that was what made the betrayal so unforgivable. Nino opened his eyes and stared at the older man clutching to him, arms dangling helplessly by his sides.

What was he supposed to do?

If he was honest with himself, he knew exactly what to do; confess his betrayal, set things right for once, and get out of Ohno’s life. But as always, it was always easier said than done; mere thoughts of losing Ohno made him sick to his stomach.

Could he bring himself to leave Ohno?

Nino’s hands clenched and fisted themselves in Ohno’s shirt material; his hands had rose up subconsciously to rest on Ohno’s waist like every other time they had done the same when he was distressed.

It was a stupid question. The answer would always be the same - no. Ohno was like a drug, highly addictive. And Nino was the addict, hopelessly dependent on and desperate for Ohno. No matter what he had decided before, despite his false bravado about leaving Ohno, it wouldn’t be long before he’d return; before he’d come running back to Ohno’s side with his tail between his legs.

He was desperate like that, a fool in love.

He would do anything to be with Ohno; deception, emotional blackmail, he had done them all. And he would do anything for the tiniest scrap of affection, the most careless of an intimate touch. Knowing how Ohno’s touch had felt like made the craving for more worse, and Nino knew that he’d beg, he’d kill for more.

He was dirty like that, a slave to his own carnal desires.

Every single moment without Ohno had caused him grief; he couldn’t do anything without being reminded of his loss or his stupidity. He had thought he done the right thing when he ended the twisted relationship with Ohno, but it had hurt so much that he couldn’t tell if it was the right thing to do anymore.

It wasn’t going to end, was it?

Nino laughed, letting his forehead hit Ohno’s shoulder in defeat, he knew it wasn’t going to. No matter how much it hurt, no matter how despicable he had to be, he wasn’t capable of letting go at all.

“Nino…?”

Ohno’s voice was soft against his ear and Nino turned his head a little to look at him.

“You’re not going to go, are you?”

Ohno sound so lost. They have never been apart for long all these years; all the time spent together had created a sick dependency on each other. Another pang of guilt struck Nino. He was so absorbed in trying to erase his own guilt that he had forgotten all about the pain that he was going to cause Ohno with his actions.

“Oh-chan….”

What could he tell Ohno? The contract had already been signed; he had to go, no matter how much he didn’t want to.

Maybe the regret showed clearly on his face, for Ohno only sighed in resignation before pulling him into a proper embrace. “I don’t want you to go, Nino-chan,” He murmured into Nino’s hair. “I won’t let you go.”

Nino leant into the embrace eagerly even as his heart clenched at his spineless decision; he had missed it too much. He had missed everything about Ohno, be it his scent or the feel of Ohno’s body against his own. It was probably a weird sight with the two of them locked in an embrace in the midst of scattered papers and sketchbooks, but Nino wasn’t going to complain at all.

“Let me stay here tonight?”

Nino shivered when Ohno practically purred in his ear. He could only nod obediently at that, and watch silently as Ohno pulled himself out of Nino’s arms to gather up his sketchbooks and papers, not paying any attention to anything but Ohno himself.

Who was he to refuse Ohno anyway?

He was a toy, Ohno’s toy.

That night, Nino laid in bed with Ohno holding him. He didn’t sleep; couldn’t sleep. He laid there quietly, watching Ohno as Ohno’s words haunted his dreams and thoughts.

I don’t want you to go.

You can’t go.

I won’t let you go.

You’re mine. Mine.

He smiled bitterly as he recognized the ring of truth in Ohno’s words. He was Ohno’s through and through, no doubt about it. He was desperate like that, a fool in love. “I have to go, Oh-chan,” He whispered regretfully. “I have no choice.”

He would never amount to much in Ohno’s eyes. To Ohno, he was something to be owned; a little play toy to entertain whenever Ohno was bored. It hurt more than the saddest love song he could write, but Nino would take whatever he was given. He was desperate like that, a fool in love hungry for the tiniest bit of affection.

He smiled as he gently kissed the tip of Ohno’s nose, remembering the time where things were much simpler and happier.

“But I’ll be back,” He promised, choking back the tears he had no rights to let fall. “I’ll be back before you know it.”

~

Okay girls, that's the end.

And no, don't start blubbering. There's still the deleted scenes to look forward to. Annnnnnd, I'm considering writing a sequel.

So the question is, do you all want a sequel?

[Kanjani8] It's not too much (Oneshot)

Tue, 28 Oct 2008 11:04:25 GMT

Pairing: OhkuraXRyo
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: You're an idiot if you sue.
Summary: Ryo is a very rational person. Really.
A/N: Since Kimi said that Ohkura has a teddy bear collection...

It's not too much:

Ryo likes to think that he’s a rational person. Sure, he may throw a bitch fit whenever he catches somebody bullying, or trying to bully, his boyfriend, but that’s entirely out of love. His boyfriend is his to boss around, and his only.

Sure, he may cry whenever his boyfriend looks at another girl, which is entirely too often, like once every half hour, but hey, that’s his boyfriend and he has a right to be possessive of what’s his. He’s insecure enough with his boyfriend’s boobs obsession, thank you very much, you can’t deny him that little bit of security of being able to show that he’s upset, right?

And sure, he may sulk whenever his boyfriend looks at lesbian porn and compares him to the stars, but hey, that’s why his boyfriend loves him, he hopes. His boyfriend loves him because he’s high maintenance like a girl, right?

That’s why, no matter what others say to him, he still thinks that he is entirely justified to nail Ohkura’s favourite snoopy plushie to a makeshift cross made out of Ohkura’s favourite set of drumsticks, just because he suspects that Ohkura may love his plushies more than he loves Ryo.

~

[Arashi] Nino's Motivation (Oneshot)

Tue, 28 Oct 2008 04:39:41 GMT

Pairing: OhnoXNino
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: You're an idiot if you sue.
Summary: Nino isn't as complex as people think he is.
A/N: I thought I needed to get back into the writing mood.

Nino's Motivation:

Sometimes, Nino’s motivation for all the strange things that he does is clear, if people will just pay enough attention to realise them. He plays games because roles in games are clear; the villain is the villain, the hero is the hero, it’s an escape from the cutthroat world he lives in, where boys fought for fame and fortune with mind, body and soul. He molests Ohno on a regular basis because he can’t stand to be part of the crowd of people that Ohno knows but doesn’t really give a damn about. He knows that Ohno cares about Arashi, but even Arashi is a secondary awareness in Ohno’s head, held beyond the mental sphere that separates Ohno from the rest of the world. He does that because he wants to be part of the colours, lines and precision that make up the special, messy jumble that is Ohno’s inner thoughts. He practises his magic tricks because he wants to feel special; he wants to be special, to stand out in Ohno’s eyes because to actually matter to Ohno means being important enough. He grabs Ohno’s hand in a grip tight enough to hurt because he is jealous of the little brat who knows how to use innocent eyes and cherubic face to charm and seduce. But he doesn’t do anything beyond that because he’s scared that Ohno will dislike Nino for trying to force his feelings onto Ohno.

And so he is pleasantly surprised, heart pounding and breathless to be honest, when Ohno laughs and presses a soft kiss to the corner of his lips affectionately. He immediately kisses Ohno back seconds later, because Ohno’s kiss says ‘I think you’re cuter’ and Nino is smart enough to know how to make use of an opportunity when he sees one.

~

[Shinhwa] His Childishness (Oneshot)

Sun, 11 May 2008 04:31:28 GMT

Pairing: JunjinXHyesung, past MinwooXHyesung, MinwooX?
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: You're an idiot if you sue.
Summary: He was the one at fault, even if he seemed like the victim. So he should set things right, shouldn't he?
A/N: Wrote this on the spur of the moment when I should be doing homework. >.< A sequel to Between Friends, but can be read as a standalone... I think.

His Childishness:

He had always been impulsive. His father, his teachers, everyone, had said so at some point or another. As a kid, he was always the first to react, to lash out, when he didn’t agree with something. His mother, stepmother actually but he treated her like the real one, had always smiled indulgently and said that it was a youth thing.

And somehow, he never grew out of the childish habit. It was a showbiz thing. He learnt how to be humble, how to work himself to death and still smile about it, but he never learnt how to grow up. Trapped in the vicious cycle of a perfect idol image, he was doomed to hold onto the naivety he had lost a long time ago, the petulance that his hyungs didn’t approve of but hadn’t actively discouraged, and the temper that they didn’t slap out of him. He had gotten so good at pretending to be shy, cheeky and silly that he had started believing that it was really himself. He was so good that he convinced himself that he was really the silly, hot-tempered kid that he played in front of the camera.

He looked at the other sitting on the other side of the room and mourned the distance between them. Once upon a time, there was neither personal space nor much silence whenever they got together. It had been a month and nothing had changed. No, they did, he corrected himself. Things had gotten worse with time. For a group that was so tight-knit, things seemed to have fallen apart impossibly fast. After the fight, he hadn’t seen his beloved and it hurt. His Mummy Bird had never gone a day without calling, or at least, texting him. To go for a month without any contact was killing him.

He knew that Hyesung, his Hyesung, was avoiding him. The schedule list he had sneaked a peek at told him as much. Hyesung had scheduled all his recording sessions as far apart from his own as possible, a far cry from the time Hyesung used to make sure that they’d at least bump shoulders in the corridors. He knew that Hyesung didn’t want to see him; too busy wallowing in his own guilt and pain, thinking that he wasn’t wanted anymore. And he missed his Mummy Bird dearly.

He slipped his cellphone out from his jean pocket, hands shaking slightly as he flipped it open. The first step was always the hardest, but he squashed down his own cowardice viciously and entered in a text message to Hyesung.

‘Baby bird knows that he’s wrong and wants to come home. Does Mummy Bird still want him back?’

And almost immediately Hyesung called back. “Jin-Jinnie yah…” The voice he had missed so much wavered uncertainly. “You don’t hate me anymore?”

He gripped his phone harder at the hopefulness in Hyesung’s voice. “Of course not,” He promised, heart tightening. “How could I hate my Mummy Bird?”

His heart clenched even more when Hyesung failed to stifle a sob over the phone. “Mummy… Mummy Bird missed you a lot,” The older man whispered over the phone.

The vulnerability in Hyesung’s voice made his heart ached and he longed to make everything up to the older man. “Tonight?” He asked softly, not wanting to ruin his chances at redemption.

“Tonight.” The voice on the other end promised and he smiled, his heart feeling a lot lighter than he had been feeling for a long time.

But he knew that wasn’t the entire problem. He sneaked another glance at the other in the room. The slouched shoulders drawn tight together, grim lines around the mouth, and the tired eyes were nothing like his confident and cheerful Minwoo hyung. Minwoo was supposed to be cocky, crazy and out-going. But it had been impossibly long since the last time he saw Minwoo smile or initiate a conversation, much less crack a joke or do something stupid. After the fight, Minwoo had withdrawn into himself totally, keeping to himself and barely talking unless it was work-related. He hated how the other man looked so defeated and he hated the fact that he had caused it even more.

He had been unreasonable, throwing a temper about the ‘minsung’ fanservice when he knew that there was really nothing going on between Minwoo and Hyesung, and accusing Hyesung of cheating on him. Everyone, except the person in question, knew that Minwoo had his eyes on someone else for a long time and Minwoo was nothing but stupidly faithful whenever he lost his heart. And he knew that he should be the one to set things right with Minwoo.

He watched as Minwoo fidgeted nervously in his seat while frowning down at the paperwork in front of him, trying to figure out what to say to Minwoo. It was hard, seeing as how Minwoo hadn’t met his eyes ever since the fight. The older man was an incurable workaholic and that was probably the only thing that kept him coming in to the tense silence every day.

Then without warning, before he could figure out what to say, Minwoo suddenly put his pen down and started shuffling all the papers together. It wasn’t like Minwoo to leave without finishing his work. Then he saw Minwoo glance at the clock on the wall and he realized why. It was almost time, half an hour before a particular someone was due in the recording studio, and half an hour for Minwoo to make his escape in order to avoid seeing that someone.

It was a testimony to how bad Minwoo must have been feeling, to go to such length to avoid someone, seeing as how Minwoo was always the one who had no problem meeting ex-girlfriends and the likes. But it wasn’t time to contemplate when Minwoo was already pulling on his jacket, back still towards him. It was time to make things right with Minwoo.

He stood up determinedly, crossing the room before Minwoo could react, and engulfed the older man in a tight bear hug from behind. For a long moment, guilt welled up in him again as he felt how thin the older man had became in such a short period of time and how light he had become. But it felt good to be holding onto Minwoo again. He missed the physicality of their friendship, the horsing about and even the fights. Then he tightened his hold, when he felt Minwoo stiffened against him, resolved to not let Minwoo escape before he had begged for forgiveness.

“Hyung…” He mumbled into Minwoo’s hair. “Forgive me?”

“What?” Minwoo’s voice was hoarse with shock.

“I was the one at fault. I started everything. Forgive me?”

“Choong Jae… I…” Minwoo trailed off at that, too choked up to continue. He was sure he had never heard Minwoo stutter so much before. And he was sure he had never heard Minwoo speak in such a choked voice before either. The silence remained there for a few moments, until Minwoo finally went slack against him, whispering. “There’s nothing to forgive, Choong Jae.”

He released his hold on Minwoo enough for the older man to turn and reciporate the hug. “I’m sorry, hyung,” He mumbled into Minwoo’s shoulder, feeling thankful that Minwoo would forgive him.

Then he felt Minwoo tremble against him. “I’m sorry too, Choong Jae,” He heard Minwoo whisper back, but he knew that Minwoo wasn’t referring to the same thing.

Minwoo was sorry that he had slept with Hyesung, sorry that he had messed up the group dynamics, but most of all he was sorry that he had lost his chance at love. And so he hugged Minwoo tighter, hoping to comfort the victim of his childishness.

~

At this point, I really don't know what I'm writing anymore... Oh well. *shrugs*

[Shinhwa] Between Friends (Oneshot)

Wed, 07 May 2008 18:44:46 GMT

Pairing: MinwooXHyesung, JunjinXHyesung, one sided MinwooX?
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: You're an idiot if you sue.
Summary: There should have been no secrets, no deceit between friends.
A/N: I foresee a series... T_T

Between Friends:

Between friends there should be no lies. Between friends there should be no deception.

It was only one time. One single time.

He knew that Hyesung did it out of anger. Out of spite. A self-fulfilling prophecy brought on by heartbreak. Junjin had been upset about the influx of 'minsung' fanservice, throwing tantrums and jealous fits like the kid they all remembered him to be when they first started out, and had told Hyesung exactly what he thought about it. He remembered shaking fists, wounded eyes and a trembling lower lip. And also remembered the words slut, whore and cheat.

He knew that it didn't make what Hyesung did right. But at least Hyesung had a better reason than him. Hyesung was hurt. Hyesung was fragile, and they all knew that well. Hyesung practiced taekwando to prove that he wasn't weak, that he wasn't a pushover. And Hyesung wasn't weak; he was always the one who could be counted on to stand up for his friends, to protect those around him. But he was still fragile, because no matter how much he trained it only affected him physically. Deep inside, some part of him still remained the lost little child he used to be, insecure and afraid of rejection.

He could understand Hyesung's logic, tainted by fear and hurt as it was. And so had Eric. Their leader had only put his arm around Hyesung comfortingly as he drew the other away from all of them, telling everyone that he'd have Hyesung stay over at his place that night. The compassion he could see in Eric's eyes told him that the tears Hyesung would shed that night would fall on caring ears. He knew that the two of them would probably sit up all night, with food, alcohol, and all that Eric could think of to distract Hyesung.

And he wished that he could have the same. But he didn’t think he deserved it. He slipped into his jacket silently, avoiding the other three pairs of eyes on him; one sad, one disappointed and the last one betrayed, and turned towards the door. He wanted to leave, before any of them stop him, so he could go home and lick his wounds in private; wounds that he’d never allow the world to see. He kept his back to them, so that he wouldn’t see the expressions on their faces, so that he wouldn’t see the disappointment in HIS face, resolutely keeping his head high.

Because that’s all that was left that he could do, because he had screwed up everything else.

And unlike Hyesung, he didn’t have an excuse at all. All the half-formed sentences died before they fell from his lips. I was tired of… I just wanted… I thought that if… He wanted to lash out, to scream, to cry, until they knew how much he was hurting too. But the words in his head just seem to dissolve into silence when he tried.

I was tired of only being his friend.

I just wanted to escape from this unrequited love for a while.

I thought that if I did it, he would actually look at me, really look at me, for once.

He couldn’t bring himself to speak; hadn’t he done enough damage? So he walked out of the room, face tight and head held high.

He had hurt enough people that day, no need to make things worse. He sat stiffly in the passenger seat, with eyes firmly on the passing scenery as his manager drove him home, ignoring the stifling silence in the car. His manager didn’t say anything; didn’t need to.

He dropped his bag on the floor the moment the front door clicked shut behind him, hands shaking. The silence that echoed through the apartment only emphasized how much he had lost.

Everything.

~

[Shinhwa] More than Leftovers (Oneshot)

Fri, 14 Mar 2008 20:57:17 GMT

Pairing: Subtle DongwanXMinwoo, JunjinXHyesung, EricXAndy
Rating: Nothing that didn't happen before in real life happened
Disclaimer: You're an idiot if you sue
Summary: Eric's favorite is Andy and Hyesung has a thing for Junjin, and that leaves Minwoo and Dongwan feeling a little left out.
A/N: I totally blame this on Shinhwa for being so slashable. My first Kpop fic and I wrote this at 4am, so please be kind.

More than Leftovers:

They joked once that they were only together out of necessity; they were the odd ones out, the two hyungs who have no one to play with, when the rest were occupied with their favorite dongsaengs. Eric had his Andy and Hyesung had his Junjin, but they didn’t have anyone.

Leftovers, Dongwan had quipped in his usual cheerful way, and both of them burst out laughing at that. Then they both toppled over; having lost balance when Minwoo leant in for a playful kiss and Dongwan reflectively shielded away to avoid the enthusiastic lick to his cheek that he just knew Minwoo would follow up after the kiss. They spend too much time together for Dongwan to not remember all of Minwoo’s quirky ideas and pranks. They were the leftovers, but it was not as if they really mind.

Eric and Andy were adorable, both of them had agreed, Eric need someone who adored him to keep him in line and Andy need someone to dote on him. Minwoo cackled crazily when Andy walked past the ‘leftovers’ determinedly despite having Eric hanging onto him with a deathgrip. They probably had another fight; Eric playing pranks on Andy until their youngest member got tired of it, and now Andy wouldn’t acknowledge Eric’s existence at all. It was how their relationship work; Eric would pick on Andy until Andy got mad, and then he would pout and whine till Andy forgave him. Adorable, he remarked to Dongwan, and Dongwan laughed. Totally made for each other, he agreed.

Just like how Hyesung seemed to be made just for Junjin, both sniggered. Their most feminine-looking member was a worrywart and a mother hen, even more so than Dongwan, and his motherly instincts always seem to show themselves more prominently whenever ‘his baby bird’ was concerned. Junjin, on the other hand, seemed to actually enjoy the almost suffocating affection. Dongwan sighed in amazement, Andy would put up with Hyesung’s mothering good-naturedly, but Junjin actually liked it and even ask for more. And Minwoo smiled together with him when Hyesung let out a loud piercing shriek from over Junjin’s shoulder where the younger man had threw him over. Both laughed together with Junjin when he started spinning around in circles, causing Hyesung’s threats and demands to be let down to rise by an entire octave.

At least I don’t bully you like that, Minwoo murmured, snuggling comfortably against Dongwan’s side like a kitten.

Dongwan snorted ungracefully at that. No you don’t, he agreed, you only imitate me and tell embarrassing stories of me at every opportunity. And his fingers dug playfully into Minwoo’s side, causing the other to squirm and wriggle.

But you don’t mind, Minwoo whined, pouting for extra effect.

Dongwan rolled his eyes, attention half on Andy who was trying his very best to remove a clinging Eric from his person without actually injuring the human leech, he was used to Minwoo’s random displays of cuteness. You should be glad that I don’t, he retorted, or I’d have pound you into minced meat a long time ago.

Minwoo laughed, big talk, he teased. But that was how he liked Dongwan; easy-going, sensitive Dongwan who was always there to talk and laugh with, and would never get mad at him, even when Minwoo imitated him or revealed embarrassing stories about him. He bounced up when the music came on in their practice room; one of the dancers must have turned the player on, and started dancing crazily.

Dongwan took his gaze off Andy to glance at Minwoo briefly. Like I will have any problem thrashing a shortie like you, he absently replied without losing momentum, smiling a little as he watched Minwoo’s dance. That was how he liked Minwoo; charismatic, but never arrogant, and passionate, yet responsible.

Minwoo scowled at him. You’re not much taller, he retaliated without stopping in his impromptu dance. Then he kicked out to throw himself into a backflip, only to end up falling into a pile at Dongwan’s feet, who laughed and patted his head affectionately, when he realized that he didn’t use enough strength.

We’re both shorties, Dongwan agreed, still running his fingers through Minwoo’s hair. Minwoo grinned, taking Dongwan’s gesture for an invitation to plop himself into Dongwan’s lap, and happily climbed on top of Dongwan before the other guy could protest.

Both of them ignored Eric’s catcall when their oldest member noticed their position; it must have seemed rather suggestive with Minwoo’s knees on either side of Dongwan and their bodies only mere inches away from kissing. Dongwan curled his hands instinctively around Minwoo’s waist and hip, cradling the other. And the ‘Leftovers’, Minwoo murmured cutely as he leant down, their breath mingling.

Dongwan smiled the wide beaming smile that Minwoo loved so much and tilted his head up to close the tiny distance between their lips, pressing their lips together in a chaste kiss much like the ones that Minwoo always tried to sneak in. And more, he breathed, as they pulled back from the kiss after lingering a too long for the kiss to seem like the playful kisses that Shinhwa was known for.

~

So, er, how was it?

[Arashi] Freefall (Oneshot)

Thu, 10 Jan 2008 05:13:47 GMT

Pairing: OhnoXNino, kind of.
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: you're an idiot if you sue
Summary: “I’ve always thought that you felt the same way.”
A/N: Inspired by Suju fans. Serious.

Freefall:

Ninomiya Kazunari never thought he would actually do this. However, Ninomiya Kazunari had never thought of himself as a coward either.

So that was how he ended up there, sitting by himself on the rooftop of one of the taller building in Tokyo, cigarette in hand and keitai by his side. The cold wind blew, not freezing enough that it stung, but strong enough to make an impact on his awareness.

He took one last drag on his cigarette, feeling the burn mingled with the warm smoke in his lungs, and let the glowing butt dropped thirty storey down into nothingness. Then he sighed. It was his last one, he mourned mentally, before getting to his feet and brushing himself off.

The city was pretty, in artificial way, he mused, his eyes taking in the lights that littered the darkness panning out in front of him. The lights were bright and striking, but yet so cold. Nino let a brief but slightly bitter smile crossed his face before he wiped it off hurriedly. It was stupid of him to be smiling to himself.

“I like you.”

Stifling silence…

“I really like you.”

A strangled silence…

“It wasn’t just fan service… Couldn’t you tell?”

A deathly silence…

“I’ve always thought that you felt the same way.”

The silence was replaced by the gentle clinking of his fragile heart breaking into countless bloodied pieces onto the floor and then the slap of humiliated sneaker-ed feet as they tried to run away from the heartache.

Nino had never thought himself a coward, but when faced with the horror that his feelings, something that he had let festered for years, weren’t returned, he had thought again. He couldn’t, he just couldn’t handle it.

He hadn’t cried, couldn’t cry. His face was stiff, not just from the long hours of wandering the streets and sitting on the rooftop. He didn’t feel like himself anymore. He didn’t even feel alive anymore.

He was lost.

It was just so easy, too easy, to just take the step forward. It was just a tiny step forward, into a freefall that would erase all his fears and hurt. It was so tempting, the comforting darkness speckled with distant lights and the promise of oblivion.

Nino took a tiny step forward, peering over the edge cautiously, like how years in the jimusho had taught him to but he had forgotten when he had blurted out his confession. What he saw nearly took his breath away. He could already see himself, a splatter of blood and flesh on the cold hard concrete, all he had to do was to take another step forward.

Should he?

And for a long, selfish moment, Nino wondered if he would be affected if Nino never turned up for work in the morning and they watch his death on the news?

Nino laughed, the sound sharp and hysterical. Who was he kidding? He couldn’t abandon his mother, who had single-handedly brought him up, his sisters, who had doted on him and fought for him when other bigger boys picked on him. And he couldn’t just abandon the group so cruelly just because his heart got stepped on. It wasn’t fair… even if it wasn’t fair for him either.

He took a deep breath, trying to breath life into himself again. He will go home, have a nice shower and cry on his ever-patient mother’s shoulder. And tomorrow… tomorrow would be different. He would smile and act as if there was nothing wrong.

It was only fair, wasn’t it?

“I finally found you.”

He twirled at the quiet voice. No, no, not him. Nino wasn’t really to deal with him now. While he knew who the owner of the voice was without even turning, seeing Ohno standing there, a mere three meters away from him hurt even more than he realized it could.

“No….”

Nino shook his head frantically, trying to deny what he was seeing. No, he didn’t want to see this. He wasn’t seeing this. Ohno was the last person whom he’d want to see right now.

Nino couldn’t see him. He didn’t want to see Ohno. He didn’t want to see the pity in Ohno’s eyes. He didn’t want to see the guilt on Ohno’s face. He didn’t want pity. He didn’t want guilt. He just wanted to be left alone to lick his wounds in private. Was that too much to ask for?

Go away.

Please.

Just go away.

I don’t want to see you!

And Nino took a step back, every instinct screaming at him to run, his mouth opening into a soundless shriek as he stepped on empty air… into the freefall that he wanted earlier.

~

[News] Mourning Uchi's return

Thu, 03 Jan 2008 07:58:17 GMT

Uchi's back.

The K8 fan in me says I should be happy.
But the Ohkura fan in me says I should be raving mad.

I know K8 will be happy to have Uchi back.
Even if they had already grown up so much without him.
Even if it meant that all of Ohkura's hard work to prove that he wasn't just a replacement for Uchi was going down the drain.

So I think I'll settle for being sad.

[?] Secret (Oneshot)

Tue, 04 Dec 2007 01:30:48 GMT

Pairing: Not stated
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: You're an idiot if you sue.
Summary: They loved in secret.
A/N: Sickeningly sweet ficlet that was meant for Kimi. Honey, WHERE IS MY FIC? *glares*

Secret:

They never held hands.
They never went on dates.
They never wrote love letters.
They never made promises.

Those who knew, about the little secret between them, said that they were crazy. That they were masochist, to actually want this.

But they only smiled at that. 'This' wasn't as simple as what their trusted friends think.

They didn't need sappy declarations.
They didn't need discreet silver bands.
They didn't need people's approval.

All they need, and all they want, was each other. They have their love. And that was more than enough. They were in love, truly, completely, and passionately.

And that was more than enough for them.

[Arashi] Girlfriend troubles (Oneshot)

Mon, 17 Sep 2007 20:05:58 GMT

Pairing: NinoXOhno, slight MatsujunXmirror
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: You're an idiot if you sue.
Summary: Ohno wonders why his heterosexual relationships never seem to work out.
A/N: A little short? I have some ideas which I'm saving for the next fic though~

Girlfriend troubles:

Slap!

"How could you do this to me?"

And he watched, dumbfounded, as yet another girlfriend, the sixth one already, turned and walked, no, ran, out of his life.

It was strange. He had never done anything unfaithful to his girlfriends. He tried his best to spend time with them. He always tried to think up of special ways to show them that they were special. He wouldn't even look at another girl, or even think about another girl. But strangely, all of them seemed to think that he had did something terribly wrong.

But none of them would tell him what. It was really troubling.

He thought that there was some misunderstanding, with his first girlfriend. But when the sixth one said the same thing too, he was starting to get suspicious. Was he doing something wrong which he didn't know about?

And so he went to the bookstore, determined to find out the source of the problem. He ended up going home with a bagful of self-help books and tabloids, poring over them with an intensity that would have made him a better scholar than Sho-kun if he ever applied it to his studies when at school.

He didn't sleep that night, too distraught by the lack of information, and the scandalous article about Jun and his romantic interest in mirrors. HOW DID THEY KNOW?

And when he turned up at work all bleary-eyed and grumpy, he was all ready to snap someone's head off, after all, misery loved company, and he just got dumped, so he was kind of entitled to it. So when someone pounced on him from behind, he was all ready to snap. "Ne, Captain! Didn't you hear me call you from all the way from the car?" A very familiar voice chirped a little too cheerfully to him from behind, and a very familiar warm body pressed into his from the same direction, hopping onto his back in the same familiar way.

Ohno's hands immediately reached back to stop Nino from falling off his back, grumbling affectionately at the same time, something about it being too early and he couldn't handle Nino when there's no food in his stomach. And he beamed, when Nino miraculously produced and waved an onigiri in front of his face. "Tada!" The younger boy crowed, still in the same maddeningly cheerful tone. "See! I already got something for you, Captain! Ninomiya special homemade salmon onigiri! Limited amount only!"

Before Ohno could say anything, Nino had already unwrapped the onigiri and had it placed in a very convenient spot just in front of Ohno's mouth. And Ohno was nothing, if not well-trained. And so, without thinking, he chomped down on the onigiri, chewing on it for a few moments before opening his mouth, half-chewed mouthful still inside, and proclaimed it, "Me~cha UMAI!"

Ego stoked, Nino pushed the rest of the onigiri into Ohno's mouth eagerly, implicitly trusting Ohno to be able to contain everything in his mouth and not choke himself to death while Nino was still riding on his back. "Eat more! I made them just for you! But don't let Jun-kun hear it. He'll want one too. Then Aiba-chan would want one too. And then Sho-kun too."

Ohno nodded enthusiastically, and obediently, and proceeded to chew and swallow the rest of the "UMAI" onigiri, all thoughts of his ex-girlfriends forgotten.

Needless to say, he never found out the reason why.

~

I hate Windows. It does weird things to HTML. *sulks*

[Notice] Friends

Sat, 11 Aug 2007 15:42:47 GMT

(To those people who I actually know, I'm sorry that you have to see this, but this issue has been put off for far too long... Although I would think that my wife would actually be amused to see this.)

Dear FList,

I am not a very observant person by nature, but recently, I've come to realize that there are people adding me without informing me about it. And they are people who I do not know, and would not associate with. I'll sooner kiss Ueda, but that's a different story.

Anyway, back to my point.

Those people who have added me without me knowing, or those people who have never ever spoken to me, PLEASE REMOVE ME FROM YOUR FLIST.

To make things easier... Ff you'd take a look at my flist, and happen to find yourself missing from it, chances are, I deleted you off, or never had you there in the first place. In this case, there is two possibilities:

One, you added me without me knowing. A very rude thing if you ask me. I do not f-lock any fics, if that's what you are so worried about., so there's no point friending me anyway. If you friend-ed me without ever talking to me, that means you are reading my fics, right? And since you're reading my fics, and I've never seen you, or your nick, before, that means you're not commenting, right? Please take note that I do not like people reading and not commenting, and if said people do not even have the basic courtesy to comment ONCE, informing me that they are adding me as their friend, I like them even LESS.

Two, something you did annoyed the hell out of me. Recently, I've grown intolerant of a certain group of fangirls. So... if you have the tendency to do these things, PLEASE BE SMART AND REMOVE ME FROM YOUR FLIST BEFORE I TAKE EVEN MORE DRASTIC ACTIONS:

1. Mention these people/groups:

                                            - Kame
                                            - Ueda
                                            - Koki
                                      - Kusano
                                            - KT or NewS
                                      - UCHI

I've grown intolerant of Uchi fangirls in general. In fact, I think if I read one more post about how pitiful Uchi is/Johnny should let the poor boy back already/Kanjani8 is not the same without Uchi/it wasn't really Uchi's fault that he got drunk etc etc, I think you get my point, I'm going to get sick. I don't like Uchi, but I'll tolerate, TOLERATE, him for K8's sake.

It's kinda a pity, I was okay with him, until all the fangirls' ranting turned me off him totally. And as for Kusano, well, he's in the same boat as Uchi, mentions of Kusano are usually accompanied by mentions of Uchi.

As for KT and NewS, I'm not their fan, if it isn't obvious. I'm a Jin fangirl, but that's not the same as a KT fangirl. Most of the KT fangirls I've seen, made me sick. Which is the reason why I'm wondering why is it that there's actually akame and KT fangirls friending me. I think I've only ever come across ONE KT fangirl which I actually like and respect (And she's on my flist, btw). And as for NewS, well, I like Toma, enough said.

Three, you've asked me if you could add me and I agreed, but sadly, with my failing memory, I've forgotten that and deleted you. So to those poor souls forgotten by me, would be be so kind as to comment so I can add you back again? Thank you.

Sooooo, to those people who need to delete me off their flist, I hope you do it soon. I don't have enough hair for me to keep yanking if you don't. Do note that if this post, which is the most polite I could manage, does not work, I will take more drastic and less polite actions. In maybe a week's time.

Thank you.

Yours truly,

weepyjester

[Kanjani8] Replacement (Oneshot)

Tue, 17 Jul 2007 08:23:56 GMT

Pairing: RyoXOhkura, possible RyoXUchi
Rating: NC-17 for the homicial tendencies it might incur PG-13
Disclaimer: You're an idiot if you sue
Summary: Ryo went to watch Uchi at Playzone, and tears started falling. That's what they're saying, aren't they?
A/N: This was a bitchfit-turned-fic. Don't expect it to be nice. It's angst, angst, angst.

Replacement:

He sat alone in the private box, surrounded by shadows, eyes fixed on the tall, thin figure on stage. The music was pleasant, flowing around him, but it didn't comfort like it usually did. A strong voice danced with the music, entwining almost intimately, in a way that Ryo had missed.

Uchi.

Ryo half-smiled to himself, as he caught the younger boy's eyes, how he had missed his friend. He had almost went crazy with guilt, blaming himself for not being able to keep the other boy in hand, and would have if not for the support of his other bandmates. Then his smile faded, as Uchi smiled up at him brilliantly, and winked.

Suddenly feeling cold, he leant back, no longer paying attention to the play. He wasn't stupid, he wasn't dense, he knew what Uchi had meant by it. The suggestiveness of it was too unsubtle to miss. His fists clenched, hidden beneath the dark jacket he was wearing, and he squeezed his eyes shut at the memory of a conversation he had overheard.

"Thanks, Ohkura."

"..."

"You've done a brilliant job, Tacchon, but since I'm coming back already, there's not need for you anymore."

"..."

"But really, I must thank you for taking such good care of Ryo for me."

"..."

"You can go find someone else to call your own now. Since I'm back, you don't need to be the replacement anymore."

Ryo bit his lip hard. How could he? He wanted to grab the front of his chest, where it was hurting so much that he couldn't breath, but he was frozen there. Uchi...

Ohkura would, as usual, step aside for the princess. It was just like Ohkura to do something that selfless. And everything would go according to what Uchi dictated. After all, what Uchi wanted, what Uchi would get.

Ryo took in a ragged breath, trying to curb the hot tears that were threatening to flow. "But what about me?" He asked nobody in particular as the curtain dropped, voice hoarse and raw.

And the tears did drop.

~

Was it too mean?

[KAT-TUN] Deleted Scenes #1 - Smile (Doubt versus Love)

Wed, 30 May 2007 08:56:26 GMT

Pairing: Slight JinXJunno
Rating: PG-13 for slightly psychopathic Jin
Disclaimer: You're an idiot if you sue
Summary: Jin threw a tantrum and vented his anger on Junno. What happens next?
A/N: This is based off Doubt versus Love, Chapter 12, the first in the series of 'deleted scenes' that I'll be writing for Doubt versus Love.

Smile:

"I can't be bothered to quarrel with you anymore!" With that parting shot, Kame stormed out of their dressing room.

Jin shook his head, trying to clear away the anger clouding his head. He don't get it sometimes. What happened to the friendship they used to share? Granted, they weren't as close as before when they're still kids, but the cold gazes and harsh words were becoming more frequent than shared laughter and warm smiles. It just wasn't right. Friends weren't supposed to be acting like this towards each other, are they?

Actually, were they even friends anymore? Jin frowned and bit his lip. He wasn't too sure anymore nowadays. Fame wasn't supposed to drive friends apart. Jin knew that much. After all, Pi had managed it, hasn't he? Jin let his shoulders slumped as he looked down at the floor. Now he wish that Pi was here to whack his head, call him an idiot and order him not to think too much.

And the dressing room door opened. Jin's head snapped up, hoping that it'd be Kame coming back to talk things out with him. But it was Junno standing in the doorway instead, with a smile on his face. Jin's heart sank in disappointment and he looked away. He was an idiot to even hope that it was Kame. And looking at Junno's smiling face only made it worse. Junno's smile was a stark reminder of what Jin had lost with Kame. When was the last time Kame looked at him with friendliness, genuine or not?

"Ohayo!" Jin heard the cheerful greeting from Junno all right, but he couldn't bring himself to turn around to acknowledge it.

He didn't want to see Junno's smile. Junno's smile has never failed to brighten up his day and elicit an answering smile from him. But he wasn't in the mood now. Junno's smile always seems to assure you that everything is all right but things weren't right at the moment. Jin was sick and tired of being lied to. "Akanishi-kun?" Jin heard Junno ask from behind him. "Are you alright?" Jin almost winced at the concern and worry in Junno's voice.

There was the guilt again. Jin has never been able to be successfully mean to Junno. Then again, not many people could stomach being mean to Junno. Jin finally turned around, to reassure Junno that he was all right and Junno should worry. Junno has been doing it pretty often, now that Jin thought about it, Junno has been hanging around him quite abit recently, fussing over him with those naive puppy eyes that Jin could never withstand. "I'm alright, Taguchi-kun. Don't worry too much about it." He mumbled, looking at a spot past Junno's right shoulder, not wanting to look Junno in the face.

"You're not a very good liar, so don't lie to me. You're not alright." It was stated in such a matter of fact tone that Jin couldn't help his eyes jerking towards Junno's face in shock. It was so unlike the usual endearing Junno to say something like that.

Even if Junno was acting serious, was sounding serious, there was still a smile on his face. Jin felt a wave of resentment and anger. The smile, which has always made him feel like smiling himself, seems to be mocking him now. Laughing at Jin's own stupidity that has driven Kame away even. It seemed to be saying that everything's all right, even if it wasn't, making Jin's temper flare up at the lie in the smile.

And to make matters worse, Junno's smile widened when Junno noticed that Jin was finally looking at him. It was enough to cause Jin's already frayed temper to snap. Grabbing Junno's shirtfront, Jin pulled the taller guy close. "Damn it! Stop smiling! STOP SMILING!"

Junno was startled, to say the least. Jin, as they all know, has a hot temper, but Jin has never been violent. Jin's temper always come and goes, just like a little kid. That thought made Junno smile, the ends of his lips curving up and his eyes creasing. It was adorable. But it made Jin even more furious.

He didn't really mean to punch Junno, honest. It just happened. Jin only wanted to make Junno stop smiling even for a short moment. He didn't mean to hit Junno. But he did. Seeing Junno sprawled out on the floor, Jin looked down at his own fist in horror. He didn't mean to... Jin's gaze traveled up to Junno's face. He had gotten his wish after all; he had wiped the smile from Junno's face. Junno wasn't smiling anymore. But Jin hadn't liked it one bit. The quivering bottom lip, the hurt in Junno's eyes, the red mark on Junno's cheek, they all made Jin felt like the lowest being on Earth.

Jin didn't like it, he realized. He likes it better when Junno was smiling. Junno should be smiling. "Taguchi..." He heard himself whisper, hand reaching out for Junno.

It was all wrong, Jin thought, as their gazes connected. Junno shouldn't be looking at him with scared eyes. Junno should be smiling. Jin found that he didn't like the Junno he was seeing. He didn't like seeing a Junno that was devoid of smiles and laughter. Taking a step closer, Jin reached closer for Junno, not knowing why he was doing so either. But before he could touch Junno, the taller guy was suddenly spurred into action by Jin's proximity. Scrambling away from Jin, Junno leapt to his feet and backed away from Jin. "Don't touch me!" He yelled, backing towards the door, eyes never leaving Jin for a moment.

It was like the prey watching the predator when it's cornered, Jin realized, heart breaking at the wariness in Junno's eyes. Then Junno's back hit the door. Realizing it, Junno immediately grabbed the doorknob and pulled the door opened before dashing out of the room, almost knocking over Kame who was returning to their dressing room.

Jin barely registered Kame's cold voice asking what was going on, before both Koki and Maru started shouting at him. He barely heard what they were saying. It wasn't important anyway. They always yell at him when things go wrong. Was he so convincing as an idiot onstage that they thought of him as one backstage too? They were always yelling at him, always blaming him for things that went wrong. Well, Pi also call him an idiot once in a while, but Pi also do show that he cares.

Jin bit his lip and looked down at the floor. Only Junno had been consistently nice towards Jin, too nice in fact. Junno is the only one in the group to look at Jin with no judgment in his eyes, the only one that would smile kindly and squeeze Jin's shoulder when everyone's tempers were fraying. And this was how Jin repaid Junno's kindness... Jin could feel bile welling up in his throat from disgust, at himself.

Everything else passed in a blur. Matsujun yelling at them, Kame trying to get him to speak, Ueda trying to assert his authority – they all didn’t matter. They all registered vaguely in his head, but Jin couldn't bring himself to care. He really didn’t mean to…

Jin was still in a daze when someone grabbed him by the shoulders not so gently before starting to shake him. Jerking back to reality, he blinked when he realized that it was Ueda, both hands gripping his shoulders hard and face red. Then his gaze traveled over Ueda’s shoulder to look at Kame – the sole voice of sanity in the group, who only shrugged and gestured helplessly. All right then, Jin thought, Ueda had finally snapped. Mind drifting, he gazed around, half expecting to see the fairies that Ueda had always claimed to be able to see hovering around, ready to defend their ‘friend’.

“Would you f*cking listen to me for even a minute?”

The sudden anger in Ueda’s tone snatched back his wandering attention. “Huh?” he blurted out ingeniously.

“God, Akanishi, did you even hear a single word I’ve said?” Ueda’s anger seemed to deflate a little, as hopelessness crept into his eyes.

“Uh… no?” Jin decided to answer truthfully, wondering all the same if honesty was the best policy at that moment.

Everyone froze at that moment, not knowing how a half-crazed Ueda would react to that. Then Kame sighed, deciding to stop the madness before Jin got dismembered, After all, it’d be hard to find a replacement that can hit notes as high as Jin could, and stepped up to the two to lay a calm hand on Ueda’s shoulder.

“Ueda, forget talking sense. He’s not going to listen. Just bring him there. I’m sure he’s not that stupid to not understand it.”

“You’d be surprised. “ Ueda muttered darkly, but his hands loosened their grip on Jin.

Jin’s shoulders sagged in relief. Emo-Ueda, however disgusting as it may be, was way better than crazy Ueda. However, Ueda’s next sentence made him straightened in shock. “But you’re sure as hell coming with me.”

“Where?” Jin managed to get out before his arm was nearly yanked off by Ueda, as the smaller guy started dragging him out of the dressing room, pausing only to collect their bags from an ever-helpful Nakamaru.

It wasn’t fair, Jin decided, as he stumbled along the street behind a livid Ueda. Ueda hadn’t even given him time to think of what he was going to say to Junno. Not that Ueda had said anything; Jin had figured out that Ueda was probably going to drag him to wherever Junno was and make him apologize. He struggled against Ueda’s grip again, trying to break the bruising hold on his arm. It won’t look good on television, he thought, terrified, and Junno would never ever like such an ugly bastard like him.

Wait, like? Jin shook his head in confusion. Where had that come from? However, before he could think further, he was unceremoniously shoved into a cab that Ueda had managed to hail. Where are they going anyway? He pouted, although the adorableness of it was lost on Ueda at the moment, wondering if he should ask.

“Tat-chan…. “ He whined softly, moving himself closer to Ueda. “Where are we going?”

Ueda glared. “Matsumoto-sempai’s house.” His glare intensified, almost pleased that he was able to glare at Jin for a good reason. “Kamenashi-san just mailed me to say that Matsumoto-sempai brought Taguchi to his place.”

Jin felt his heart sink at that. He knew Matsujun’s reputation. The guy would screw anybody, as long as they’re cute. And Junno was nothing if not cute. His heart clenched at the thought of Junno becoming another of Matsujun’s conquests. Junno didn’t do anything to deserve that. Junno deserved to be doted on, to be pampered, to be loved.

By him? His mind’s voice sneered.

Jin pouted, and slid further down in his seat, not liking how things were turning out. And before he knew it, they had stopped outside an apartment block and Ueda was dragging him into it.

This was it, he realized, when he was standing in the lift with Ueda, he was going to be allowed to see Junno, to apologize to him. Jin gulped, taking in deep breath to calm himself down. He would not allow himself to appear the fool in front of Junno. At least not this time, he told himself, he wasn’t going to screw this up. He straightened his back, hands smoothing out the imaginary wrinkles, just as the lift doors open.

This was it.

Before Jin could step out of the lift by himself, Ueda had already grabbed whole of his arm and yanked him out and down the corridor. Jin yelped wildly, trying hard to balance himself, he had no wish to flatten Ueda just because he couldn’t keep his balance and fell on Ueda.

“Tat-chan! Why are you so determined that I come here to apologize? It’s not like I can’t apologize once Taguchi left this place.” Jin whined, not happy that the aggression Ueda had shown towards him had thrown his thoughts, and consequently his outline for his apology, into chaos.

“Matsumoto-sempai would never think much of us again if he doesn’t see you apologizing.” Ueda hissed at him, stopping all of a sudden in front of an open door.

Jin barely managed to keep himself from falling over at the sudden stop. He was about to ask since when did Matsujun’s opinion mattered so much when he realized it.

Despicable.

Jin was startled at the sudden rush of indignant anger. How could Ueda be so heartless. He had thought that Ueda was seriously angry because Jin had hurt Junno. But no, Ueda was angry because it had made him look bad in front of Matsumoto Jun. He frowned, struggling for a moment, before everything slid away to become crystal clear.

Ueda noticed immediately when Jin went stiff for a moment. Glancing over curiously, he watched as a frown appeared on Jin’s forehead before the other boy’s eyes slid close, almost as if he was having an internal struggle. The entire process hadn’t taken more than two seconds, but it was enough time for Ueda to realize that something was wrong. Then when Jin’s eyes snapped open, Ueda knew what was wrong.

Jin’s gaze, dark and smouldering, turned and landed on Ueda, making him slightly uncomfortable. But Ueda, not wanting to admit defeat, continued to maintain the eye contact. And he watched, in morbid fascination as Jin tilted his head back in an almost feral manner and regarded him like how one would regard an insect. “So….” Ueda gulped when Jin leaned in and purred, “You aren’t really concerned about Junnosuke, are you?”

Before Ueda could answer, Jin smirked and wave it away, dismissing him. “No need to answer, I already know the answer anyway.” And with a sudden burst of strength, he pushed Ueda against the wall with the arm that Ueda had in his grip. “Now, it wouldn’t be nice if anyone else was to find out, would it?”

Ueda could only nod, terrified.

Jin sneered, elbow digging into Ueda’s chest painfully. “What would Matsumoto-sempai think of this?” Voice mocking when he referred to Matsujun more politely than he usually did. “Matsumoto-sempai is part of Arashi. You know what those five think of group bonds. What would he think if he finds out that our leader-sama isn’t actually concerned about his groupmate?”

Then he paused for a moment before adding. “And I thought you were better than me. At least you’re his friend.”

Ueda looked up to see a disappointed look in Jin’s eyes. “Jin…” He stammered. “I…I….”

Jin shook his head, stopping what Ueda had wanted to say. “No, nothing from you. I don’t want to hear anything. You are going to listen to me instead.”

“Now, you’re going to drag me in there like what you’re intending to do at first. Then you’re going to ask whoever’s in the room to give us private time so that we can settle this within the group. When they leave, you are going to wait a little while before giving us some privacy as well. Is that clear?”

Ueda nodded mutely, too scared to say anything. This Jin usually only appeared on stage, they had dubbed it Jin’s stage personality, but Ueda could tell that it was more than a stage personality. It was just a side of Jin the other boy had locked away. And this Jin, unlike the usual self, wasn’t stupid. After a long moment, which had felt like eternity to Ueda, Jin relaxed his grip on Ueda and moved away, and Ueda sighed in relief.

“Now, take my arm like how you were doing before.” Ueda nodded at Jin’s command.

“Look more pissed off. You’re not supposed to look scared.” Ueda nodded again at Jin’s command, trying to shift his face into something that don’t resemble a scared rabbit.

Jin smirked. Then he leaned a little closer to Ueda, breath brushing Ueda’s ear hotly as he spoke. “Now, let’s keep this a secret between us, shall we? Wouldn’t want Junno to hear about this.”

Ueda shivered, despite knowing that he shouldn’t, at the intensity in Jin’s voice. And Jin, upon feeling it, laughed, the sound not at all like the usual silly laugh that he had long associated with Jin. “Oh Ueda… “ He mocked, then just as suddenly, he grew solemn. “Shall we go?”

Ueda sighed, feeling helpless, and dragged Jin into the apartment, only to find that there was no Matsujun in sight. Instead of seeing Junno in Matsujun’s embrace, like they both had thought. They saw Junno wrapped up in the combined embrace of one Sakurai Sho and one Aiba Masaki. “Excuse me, sempais, but is it alright if we borrow Taguchi for a while?” He bowed as he said this.

Both Sakurai and Aiba turned to look at them, a little suspiciously, not that Ueda could blame them. A teary-eyed Junno would invoke Mother Hen Sho’s maternal instinct faster than anything. Ueda groaned inwardly and introduced himself, knowing Matsujun the older guy probably wouldn’t even bother to mention KAT-TUN to the rest of his group.

“We know, we know…” Sho waved the introduction away irritably. “What we want to know is why you are here.”

Ueda yanked on Jin’s arm. “This guy is here to apologize to Taguchi.” His grip on Jin’s arm tightened as he spoke.

Out of the corner of his eyes, Ueda saw Jin scuffling his feet on the carpet, face sulky and pouty, and he couldn’t help but marvel at Jin’s acting. For more realism, he yanked a little on Jin’s arm, before he bowed again, asking for permission.

Reluctantly, the two Arashi members released their hold on Junno, and stood up. “We’ll be somewhere around.” Sakurai told them warningly.

And Ueda nodded, thankfully. He had done his part, and that was all he was concerned with.

Once the two Arashi members disappeared from view, Ueda let his hand drop from Jin’s arm. “I’ll be outside. Just call if you want me back inside.” He told Jin curtly before stalking out, not wanting to stay any second longer than he needed, his ego was bruised enough.

An awkward silence hung in the air once the two were left alone. Junno’s gaze remained on the floor, not daring to look up. Jin’s heart broke a little at that. Junno had never been that nervous around him before. “Taguchi-kun?” He tried softly, not wanting to scare Junno anymore than he had.

Wide eyes gazed up at him, and for that one moment that felt like eternity, Jin felt like the worst scum on Earth. The fear, hurt and mistrust in Junno’s eyes were reminded Jin of his deed from earlier with a clarity that he wished he had during examinations. “No… Junno,” He corrected himself, going for the nickname the fans had given the younger boy. “Junno….”

The distance between them was too far, Jin decided, taking slow but sure steps until he was standing in front of Junno. Then he crouched down, so that he was at eye level with Junno. “Junno, I…” He trailed off, too unused to apologizing.

Junno only looked at him sadly, like he knew that Jin was never going to apologize to him. Jin had said so himself; he was incapable of apologies. And it infuriated Jin to know that Junno had such a low opinion of him, and even more to realize that Junno was right to think like that. Jin had never apologized, not even when it was his fault. But it was different this time round, Jin thought, this was more important than Kame’s stupid perfume bottle or Koki’s knitting. Junno’s smile was worth so much more than the insanely expensive bottle of stink or the effort Koki put into his knitting.

“Don’t…” Jin stopped, wondering if it’d sound stupid.

Junno only looked at him puzzledly, so Jin took a deep breath and continued. “Don’t stop smiling.”

Jin watched as Junno’s jaw dropped. “What?” Junno’s voice was soft, hoarse and so small that Jin wanted to hug him.

“Don’t stop smiling. I don’t want you to stop smiling. You should be smiling all the time. Don’t stop smiling, Junno, don’t stop smiling.” Jin knew that he was rambling, but he couldn’t help it. He couldn’t stop once he started. Or else he’d lose all his courage. One of his hands reached up to cup Junno’s face, crading the bruise in his hand tenderly, regretfully.

“Jin….”

Jin shook his head. “Don’t… Don’t. Just listen to me.” His hand lightly caressed Junno’s bruised cheek. “I’m an idiot, I know. I always screw things up. And I never seem to be able to get anything right. But please, let me at least try.”

“I’m sorry that I’m such an idiot. I’m sorry that I didn’t notice how good a friend you are. I’m sorry that I never paid much attention to you. I’m sorry that I didn’t appreciate your concern. I’m sorry that I told you to stop smiling. I’m sorry that I hit you. I’m sorry that I didn’t come earlier to apologize. I’m sorry that I caused you to stop smiling.”

Jin broke off for breath. But before Junno could get a word in, Jin continued. “You don’t have to forgive me. I’m not asking for forgiveness.”

Junno wanted to say something. Like there’s nothing to forgive, because Junno would never blame Jin, because Junno had a secret crush on Jin, because it wasn’t Jin’s fault that Junno had a crush on Jin. But none came out from his mouth.

“But please don’t stop smiling.”

Junno looked at Jin; silly, whimsical, temperamental and relatively harmless Jin. Jin had never apologized, had never felt the need to. So when faced with such an earnest and pitiful apology, what else could Junno do?

So he smiled the most brilliant smile Jin had ever seen. “Okay.”

~

So how was it?

Anyway, if there's any 'deleted scenes' that you might want to see, feel free to drop some suggestions. ^^

[Arashi] Doubt versus Love - Chapter 29

Thu, 24 May 2007 08:01:11 GMT

Pairing: JunXToma, RyoXOhkura
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: You're an idiot if you sue
Summary: Toma makes a decision
A/N: I decided that it was no use trying to put everything into one single chapter when the ohmiya part is not coming out like I want it to be.

Onto the story!

Chapter 29 - "I'll be back" I:

Toma had no idea how long he had been sitting there when a soft knock on the cubicle door startled him out of his thoughts. Jerking up, he stared at the door, not knowing how to react. However, before he could react, a voice called out to him softly. “Toma-kun? You alright?”

It was Ohkura, tall, cute and happily in love. Toma couldn’t help the bitter laugh that escaped through parched lips when his mind recalled the image of Ryo smiling up at Ohkura softly. How unfair. However, the low and unhappy sound only served to make Ohkura even more worried. “Toma-kun… You don’t sound all right. I’m coming in, okay?”

And before Toma could react, before he could say no, the door was being pushed open slowly. Toma wasn’t exactly what you’d call short, but with him sitting down and Ohkura leaning over him, he suddenly felt overwhelmed. A whimper escaped his lips, as he stared up at Ohkura’s concerned face. Without meaning to, he didn’t know why he did it, he clutched onto Ohkura as the younger boy leaned further down in concern, resulting in a strange embrace, with Ohkura kneeling on the floor in front of Toma.

Ohkura tensed a little, surprised, before wrapping Toma in his embrace. Slowly, one of his hands came up to stroke Toma’s hair gently, like he would to a child, hoping that the simple gesture would be able to sooth the hurt. “It’s okay to cry.” He murmured quietly into Toma’s ear. “Just let it out. Don’t keep it inside.”

“Thanks.”

Ohkura smiled at the muffled word of gratitude, before sitting back on his heels, pulling Toma along. Despite his height advantage, it was awkward hugging Toma like that. So they ended up with Ohkura’s back against one of the cubicle walls and legs sprawled awkwardly out in front of him and Toma between them. It wasn’t exactly comfortable, but it was less awkward. Ohkura rested his chin on the top of Toma’s head, fingers threading themselves through Toma’s hair absently, as he wondered if Ryo would get jealous if he was to walk in now.

And almost as if the gods above read his thoughts, the door opened and someone walked in. “Tacchon?”

Ohkura’s eyes widened as the footsteps approached, only stopping when Ryo stood in clear view of the cubicle the two of them were in. And he found himself dreading Ryo’s response when a startled look crossed Ryo’s features before they darkened. The situation they were in, he admitted mentally, was really quite suspicious. But, he thought, as his arms tightened around Toma protectively, as if that would protect Toma from Ryo’s wrath, Toma would not be able to handle a pissed-off Ryo now. He was about to open his mouth and defuse the situation before it got out of hand when Toma stirred and looked up at Ryo in bewilderment.

“I’d really appreciate it if you’d kindly return my boyfriend to me, Toma.” Ryo snapped, arms crossing in a severe manner. “I do not take kindly to people pawing at my boyfriend.”

‘Ryo!” Ohkura bit out, almost unable to believe Ryo’s insensitivity in the face of Toma’s distress.

However, to Ohkura’s surprise, Toma laughed, before untangled himself from Ohkura’s arms and sitting up. To his delight, Toma’s face was much more relaxed that it had been five minutes ago. So Ohkura let his rage subsided and sat back to watch how things unfold.

“How you’ve changed, Ryo-chan.” Toma murmured teasingly, eyes bright with a humor that had been absent for way too long.

“What? I didn’t change!” Came the defensive reply almost immediately.

Toma laughed again, music to Ohkura’s ears. “Yes you did. There’s no use denying it.”

“The Ryo-chan of old would have never come into the bathroom to demand that I let his boyfriend go in a fit of jealousy.”

“I did not!”

“So does that mean that I can continue hugging Ohkura-kun?”

“NO!”

Toma’s eyes met Ohkura’s before they both burst out laughing. “I’m just kidding, Ryo-chan. I’m not suicidal.” Toma assured him, settling down in a position against the cubicle wall, opposite Ohkura. “I won’t snatch your boyfriend from you. I already got one of my own.”

Both Ohkura and Ryo fell silent at that, not willing to say anything to upset Toma. Toma looked down at the keitai in his hand. “He kept calling me.” He mumbled, more to himself than to the other two, mood falling as rapidly as it had rose before.

The sound of Toma’s ringtone was shrill in the tense silence of the bathroom. Ohkura, finally getting the gist of what had happened in Tokyo, leaned forward to wrap his hand around Toma’s. “And he’s calling you again now.” He whispered. “He still hasn’t given up yet. Doesn’t that stand for something at least?”

Startled eyes met Ohkura’s. And Ohkura smiled comfortingly, trying to convey as much reassurance as he could in his gaze. “Why don’t you give him a chance?”

Dumbly, Toma looked down at his keitai, which was still ringing, and finally made up his mind. “Okay.”

His hand shook a little, when Ohkura’s hand left it, but otherwise, it was still steady. Toma took a deep breath to calm himself before pressing the speak button and holding the keitai to his ear. “Hello?”

“… Toma?”

Toma fell silent, not knowing what to say now that he had heard Matsujun’s voice.

“Toma? Are you there? Toma? Please, Toma, speak to me….”

“Matsujun….” Toma was startled at the sound of his own voice, so hoarse and bitter that he almost couldn’t recognize it himself.

“Toma!” Despite the huge change to his voice, Matsujun had recognized it with no effort at all. “God, Toma…” Then Matsujun trailed off, relief fading and uncertainty took over. “You… I… You have no idea how much I missed you.” His voice was soft and almost heart-breaking.

“Matsujun….” What was he going to say? Toma bit his lip.

Toma hated how he always crumbled when Matsujun was involved. Toma hated how he would always put Matsujun’s happiness before his own, because he love the guy, vain and arrogant as Matsujun could be at times. He didn’t like it, he realized, couldn’t stand it even, to hear the sadness in Matsujun’s voice. He would do anything, anything at all, to make Matsujun happy. If Matsujun had really betrayed him, if Matsujun had really cheated on him, then so be it.

“Matsujun….” He whispered. “It’s all right.” His voice was gentle and soothing. He was doing it for Matsujun. He would be strong for Matsujun. “I’ll be back… I’ll be back soon, I promise.”

Then he leaned his head back against the cubicle wall, eyes sliding shut, as he resigned himself to a life of being only one of Matsujun’s many lovers.

~

Oh, and I think I should start cleaning my friend's list. I'm sick of scrolling down long un-cut entries full of irrelevant bad writing. So here's a note of reminder.

[Arashi] They belong together (Oneshot)

Thu, 10 May 2007 18:03:37 GMT

Pairing: OhnoXNino
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: You're an idiot if you sue
Summary: It wasn't love at first sight... But fate has a funny way of leading you to your love.
A/N: The fight was based on a rumor that I've heard a long time ago. It turned out twice as long as I expected it to be. ^^

They belong together (Whether they like it or not):

“Why does he get the lead vocals all the time when nobody likes him?” Nino yelled angrily, finger pointing accusingly at Arashi’s Leader.

Arashi had just started out as a band, still fumbling along, trying to find an identity that was uniquely them and set them apart from their sempais. They were all still so young, with their eldest not yet hitting twenty and their youngest just starting puberty. They were still selfish, headstrong, and with no knowledge as to how to compromise.

Nino couldn’t understand why Kitagawa had put Ohno into Arashi. Why hadn’t it been Takki? Takki had been in the group with them for a while, Takki had laughed, worked, and fought with all of them. And Ohno was a virtual stranger right up to their debut together. Nino vaguely remembered the Ohno before Arashi happened. Ohno was one of their sempais, soft-spoken, unassuming and perpetually depressed. He was so quiet, so unmemorable that Nino hadn’t remembered him; even if they had appeared on the same shows before together. One of their sempais who had long quitted, had commented that Ohno’s voice and dancing skills were pretty much the only factors that kept him going in JE. And it was true. For it was only when Ohno stood on the stage, that Nino could recall whom the other guy was.

There was something different about Ohno when he perform, Nino thought, something stronger and more confident. And that was probably the same something, he thought, that made Kitagawa choose Ohno over his beloved golden boy. Ohno’s voice was sweet, clear and almost angelic, and his dancing slick and neat. And unlike Nino, who struggled constantly with pitching problems, and general control, and awkward limbs, Ohno had complete mastery over both his voice and body. And Nino hated it. He hated how Ohno breezed through vocal practice like it was nothing. He hated how Ohno always got his vocals right on the first take. He hated how Ohno always managed to make the most difficult dance look like a piece of cake, and a delicious one at that. He hated how Ohno was… better than him.

He hated Ohno. He hated how Ohno always seemed so patient with the rest of Arashi, giving them vocal tips every now and then even if they weren’t close and it’d be so much easier on Ohno himself to leave it to their coaches, hated how Ohno never seemed to mind the glares and sharp words that Nino threw at him, and hated how Ohno never fought back when Nino tried to pick fights with him.

Just like now.

The room had fallen silent at his outburst; Sho, Matsujun, even Aiba that idiot had stopped doing whatever they were doing to look in their direction. And yet, Ohno still remained silent, looking at him with the sad puppy look that he constantly wore unless he was singing, except that maybe his eyes was a little sadder than usual.

“Nino…” Surprisingly, it was Aiba that spoke up first. Well, maybe it wasn’t that surprising; Aiba hated conflicts. “That wasn’t very nice.”

Aiba’s words were soft, hesitant and a little awkward. And Aiba’s eyes, when looking at Ohno, were sympathetic and friendly. Aiba was supposed to be Nino’s best friend, not Ohno, not the guy who was dumped into their group just because he could hit his notes right. Nino’s eyes darted back to Ohno, who was still standing there doing nothing and he decided right there that he hated Ohno. So he did the only thing he could think of; he lashed out at Ohno.

It wasn’t that he really hated Ohno, Nino reflected, as abusive words poured out of his mouth, delighting as Ohno finally flinched and looked away. If he really hated Ohno, he wouldn’t have remained in the same group as him, never mind that there was three other guys to consider. It was more of the fact that Nino could hurt Ohno any way he want and Ohno would always forgive him and never fought back.

Ohno wasn’t defenceless, Nino knew, he had seen for himself how Ohno had neatly and easily retaliated when picked on, he even knew some of those that had underestimated Ohno personally, and he had witnessed for himself how those people had disappeared from the jimusho faster than Nino could say his own name. He really should have guessed that Ohno wasn’t as simple, wasn’t as stupid, as he appeared to be. Nobody could survive in JE if he was really that simple. And Ohno had replaced Golden Boy Takki in Arashi as Arashi’s leader and lead vocals. That was really something, wasn’t it? Nino had never managed to, no matter how much he tried.

But he never fought back when Nino tried to pick a fight, almost as if he was Nino’s to bully. Nino smirked. It sounded good to his ears; Ohno as his property.

The fight was a lot shorter than any of them predicted, stopped when their manager stomped into the room, a furious look on his face. All five of them froze collectively even before the man started yelling. And the day ended with Nino being forced to bunk with Ohno for the rest of their concert tour.

The next day, the manager came up to Nino, face stern and disapproving. And Nino gulped, thinking that he was going to get chewed out for starting the fight yesterday. Instead, he was told that the lead vocals for their next song would be given to him.

“Why?”

The man glared. He sneered down at boy, the one who had thrown an imbalance in the already shaky group. Ohno, he told the boy, had requested it so, and had even promised that Nino would be able to complete the task satisfactory.

~

Recording a new song had never seemed as torturous, Nino realized after more than six hours of singing and yet still no approval from the producer. Ohno had made lead vocals seemed so easy that Nino was totally fooled. It was hard, almost impossible, at least for Nino. He chanced a glance at the producer, and his heart sank even lower. The man was glaring angrily at him, in a way that he had never seen before.

He wasn’t cut out for lead vocals, he realized bitterly, the management was right in giving them to Ohno, to someone who actually had talent. He slumped down in his chair, feeling utterly defeated, not even raising his head when the producer snarled at everyone to take an hour break for dinner and everyone trooped out without even taking a second glance at the boy who had wasted their time.

Alone in the studio, Nino curled up in the chair that he was sitting on and buried his head between his knees. He was such a failure. And worst of all, the staff are all going to hate him for wasting their time. Then the door to the studio creaked open, but it wasn’t until the newcomer reached the door to the recording booth that Nino was in did Nino realize the person’s presence. Head jerking up at the hesitant knock on the open door, he was too surprised to glare as he stared at the fidgeting boy in front of him.

“What are you doing here? Here to mock at me?”

“Uh…. I thought that… maybe you might…. need some help? And I got nothing… to do anyway.” Ohno started fidgeting even more, now not even daring to meet Nino’s eyes.

Bullshit. Ohno was a terrible liar and besides, Nino knew that they were let off at noon that day. There was no need for Ohno to be staying this late. Only him, Nino thought, too amazed to be spiteful, only him, only this boy would go to their manager to give Nino the parts that were rightfully his, and stayed way past the time he was supposed to go home to offer his help. Especially when Nino had never been nice to him once.

“Oh?”

Nino watched as Ohno grew red, knowing that the other boy realized how insulting his words had sound. “I don’t mean it like that!” The older boy burst out, “I mean, I can help you… practise?”

It wasn’t like he had any choice. Nino knew that he was going to get a good chewing out if he still couldn’t manage to keep his pitch steady when the staff came back from dinner. “Alright.” He bit out unwillingly, scowling even more when Ohno beamed at him.

Was the guy insane or just plain stupid?

And he got even more annoyed, when Ohno stopped him even before he was done with the first line. “No, no, not like that!”

Nino considered throwing caution to wind and punching the other boy out. However, when he sneaked a glance at the boy’s eager face, he somehow… couldn’t bring himself to do it. Not when the boy was looking that earnest, practically glowing at he explained enthusiastically to Nino the tricks behind lead vocals.

“Come on, Ninomiya-kun, do it!”

He shook his head to clear away those confusing thoughts, taking a deep breath and prepared to sing once more. It wasn’t time to contemplate hurting Ohno, however much the guy seemed to deserve it. Besides, Ohno should know what he was doing. He was the rightful lead vocals after all. Nino wasn’t going to deny it anymore after the two hundred and seventy-ninth try still had his voice cracking.

Hesitantly, he sang. And for the first time, his voice didn’t crack. Amazed, he sang on, glancing at Ohno out of the corners of his eyes, blushing at the look of open delight that appeared on the soft, normally apathetic, face.

And for that moment, Nino thought that Ohno was actually rather pretty. Not that he’d admit it aloud even under torture, of course.

“Here, and this part, we’ll sing it together, alright?” Ohno’s voice broke through his thoughts. “You are still the dominant one, so you’ll have to sing a little more forceful than me, alright?”

Nino nodded dumbly, still a little shakened by his revelation. Standing next to Ohno, they glanced at each other, and burst into song in unison. Nino could feel his heart pounding hard, harder than the time he had gotten up the courage to ask his crush out. They were so in synch that it was almost beautiful, their voices blending together perfectly. Nino continued singing, afraid to stop and ruin the magical moment. He glanced at Ohno again. And this time, he found himself mesmerized.

Many people have gushed about Ohno’s talent on stage to him, but Nino, too lost in his jealousy and self-importance, had failed to see it. However, now that he had finally accepted that Ohno was better at some things, he finally saw for himself what Johnny and Ohno’s growing fanbase have seen. Ohno singing was no longer weak, apathetic or colourless. There was a clarity, a sharpness to the boy as he moved his mouth. Ohno singing no longer slouched; he stood straight, oozing a confidence and grace that made Nino extremely envious. And Nino watched all this, heart pounding as blood rushed to his bran, making him extremely dizzy. However, despite that, he couldn’t tear his eyes away from Ohno’s form.

Nino only managed to pull himself together from the fanboying wreck he had became when the last verse ended and Ohno retreated back into his hesitant shell. They gazed at each other, not knowing what to say, until Nino got tired of the strained and awkward silence and stuck his hand out.

“It’s Nino, kay?”

Ohno only smiled at that, happily, brilliantly and obliviously.

And Nino laughed, not knowing what else he could do to hide the pounding of his heart, happy that the tension between them was finally gone.

The staff were amazed when they came back to find Ohno in the studio with Nino, sharing chocolates that Ohno had brought. But later, they were amazed at how Nino now follow Ohno around like a puppy dog, all of them wondering futilely about what had happened in the studio to cause Nino’s hatred for Ohno to turn into a full-blown infatuation.

~

“AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!”

Immediately, Sho, Aiba and Matsujun all jerked their head in the direction of the scream, which incidentally sounded suspiciously like their Leader, and were greeted with a splash and Nino’s near-maniacal laughter. All three rolled their eyes, watching with amusement as Ohno surfaced from the sea, spluttering cutely, before turning back to lazing around in the shade as the other two members of Arashi fooled around in the waters on the beach they were taken to by the management as reward for their hard work.

Kids…

However, their peace was broken once again when Ohno plonked himself down beside Sho. “Sho-kun…” He whined, sounding extremely like a three-year-old that was just deprived of his favorite toy, “Nino’s bullying me again,”

Sho laughed, before throwing Ohno a towel. “Again?”

Ohno squeaked, as the towel hit him in the face. “Sho-kun! Not you too!”

Sho only laughed harder and Ohno pouted. “Sho-kun’s so mean as well.” He whined, as he rubbed the towel over his head, drying his wet hair.

Sho waved an airy hand at that. “Oh, you’d get over it.” Then he looked at Ohno, and smirked, before reaching out to pinch Ohno’s puffed-out cheeks.

However, a hand reached out from behind Ohno’s shoulder and slapped his hand away. Sho raised an eyebrow as Nino appeared from behind Ohno and pulled the older guy to his own chest in a possessive manner. “Don’t you dare bully my Oh-chan!”

Sho rolled his eyes as Nino hastily dragged Ohno away. He couldn’t remember when it started, but Nino’s possessiveness over Ohno had been around and apparently for as long as he could remember. Then again, Sho thought, as he watched Nino fussed over Ohno with the towel, it’s a give and take relationship. Nino might bully Ohno, but the younger boy would also look after the older boy devoutly.

Ohno might be Nino’s. But Nino’s Ohno’s as well.

~

Matsumoto Jun, the sexiest member of Arashi as acknowledged by three of the members, smiled, no, smirked, at the interviewer. “I don’t really understand them.” He purred. “There’s sooooo much room in the dressing room.”

Then he paused, before adding. “I don’t see why they still have to share the same chair.”

He almost laughed when the interviewer’s eyes lit up at the unexpected titbit. “It’s almost disgusting.” He told the interviewer cheerfully.

It was politically correct for him to say that, but for those that knew Matsujun’s DoS personality, they could hear the affection in his tone as clear as day; he hurts, because he cares.
~

So... how was it? ^^

[Arashi] He changed his mind (Oneshot)

Sun, 09 Jul 2006 08:25:04 GMT

Pairing: OhnoXNino
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: You're an idiot if you sue.
Summary: Nino should learn how he shouldn't share his boyfriend.
A/N: Inspired by the lovely butt-groping moment in the DVD that came with ARASHIC.

He changed his mind:

Right in the middle of an intoxicating mix of adoring screams, music and Ohno's voice, Nino turned to catch Sho's eyes. Mischief sparkled in those eyes, and was mirrored in Sho's, as both of them snuck up behind an unsuspecting Ohno who was facing the crowd and waving at the fans.

Both of them grinned at each other, waving the camera towards them, egging each other on as their leader ignored them in favor of intoxicating the fans with his voice. Then, as the camera came close enough, both reached out to pinch Ohno's butt. Nino's grin grew even bigger when he felt Ohno jerk and tense up under his fingers. He looked to Sho and knew from the grin on Sho's face that the other guy felt the same. However, they were all nothing but brilliant performers, Nino knew, especially Ohno. For the older guy had missed nary a beat even in his surprise as he continued his solo lines.

Nino smirked at the sour expression on Ohno's face when they turned to face each other. Only Ohno could make that expression seem cute beyond belief. "Oh-chan kawaii ne..." He crowed to Ohno the first chance he got when they broke away from formation. "Cutest butt ever."

Ohno only scowled at that. And it was just as cute as the sour expression from earlier, Nino thought adoringly as he bumped shoulders with the other guy. "Come on, don't look like that." He teased. "What if your face get frozen in this expression for the rest of your life?" Never mind that he thought that it was cute beyond belief.

Ohno only scowled further before moving away for yet another of his solo lines. Nino grinned at he watched Ohno's scowl washed away to be replaced by a smile as he faced the fans again. That was cute too, he thought, before he let himself get engrossed by the music again.

As they bounced backstage after the last encore, Nino immediately leapt on Ohno's back, yelling, "Oh-chan!"

Ohno scowled at that, but adjusted his weight accordingly so that Nino wouldn't fall off. "What was that for?" He whined, referring to the earlier butt-pinching incident.

Nino grinned. "I couldn't help myself!" He defended himself, "You have such a cute butt!" And to emphasize this point, Nino patted Ohno on the head.

Ohno sighed, as he surrendered himself to Nino's petting. "Fine. Then what about Sho-kun?" He demanded.

"What about Sho-kun?" Nino asked absently, distracted by the way Ohno's hair would slide from his fingers strand by strand. "He's harmless."

Ohno sighed again, swatting away Nino's hands when they started tickling him behind his ears. "Nino-chan, nobody in their right mind would ask someone to go pinch their own boyfriend's butt. If you still remember that I'm your boyfriend, that is."

Nino looked hard at Ohno. "What are you suggesting?" He asked suspiciously, eyes narrowing as he peered at Ohno.

"Do you really like seeing me getting groped by people who aren’t you?" Ohno mumbled, as Nino got off him. "I mean, I'm supposed to be yours and you're asking people to share me?"

"I'm not sharing you!" Nino cried out, horrified at the mere suggestion of sharing Ohno. "You're mine! And mine alone!" And almost as if to emphasize the point, he grabbed Ohno and pulled him close. "Mine!" He mumbled stubbornly into Ohno's neck.

"Ah, Captain!"

Nino's head jerked up at Sho's voice and saw Sho approaching them. And he frowned at Sho's cheeky grin. "Nice ass, Captain."

With a yank, he pulled Ohno closer to him, arms closing Ohno possessively. "I changed my mind." He informed Sho. "Mine! Don't touch!" That being said, he buried his face back in the curve of Ohno's neck, not minding the heat and sweat at all, to the sound of Sho laughing as he ambled off to look for his own boyfriend to cuddle with.

~

Sorry if it's too short~

[Arashi] Doubt versus Love - Chapter 28

Sat, 17 Jun 2006 14:44:57 GMT

Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Same old, with addition of RyoXOhkura
Disclaimer: You're an idiot if you sue.
A/N: Phew, I made it. Happy Birthday, Nino-chan!

Chapter 28 - "I don't want you to go."

She watched silently as her son tore another completed sketch off his sketchpad, tossing it aside carelessly, before starting another one. Her eyes took in the pieces of papers filled with beautiful charcoal lines that were scattered about the room. There were so many of them lying around, there were probably around a hundred of them, she figured, as she eyed them. He had came home today in a rush,

She was worried. Her son get into strange moods every once in a while and his art was usually his escape from reality. She knew, from his shaking frame, that he was upset. Her hands tightened in her apron as her gaze fell onto his sketches. What worried her more was that there was one common theme throughout all the sketches - Ninomiya Kazunari. It was the boy's face on every single sketch. Had something happened?

"Satoshi..." She asked, lowering herself to kneel at the door. "Is something wrong. You have been drawing for the past six hours."

She was almost relieved when his hand faltered for a moment before stopping altogether. "Okaasan..." He looked up at her. And she gasped when she saw the tortured eyes and tight lines around them. "I don't want him to go."

"Ninomiya?"

"I don't want Nino to go." He whispered, gaze falling down to the sketch of Nino he had in front of him. His voice dropped even further. "Why does he have to go?" And his fist clenched around his pencil, snapping it neatly without much trouble.

"Why is he leaving, Satoshi?" She made sure to keep her voice steady and low.

Ohno looked up again at his mother. "He said he was going to film a movie, that he was going to hollywood. He said that he had wanted to do this for a long time." Then his gaze dropped. " He's going to... leave me behind." He whispered, hand opening to let the shards of a ruined pencil fall from his hand. "I don't want him to go."

"Then don't let him go."

Startled eyes darted up to look at her. Her heart ached again at the helplessness, but she steeled herself again it. She had to do. Her selfishness had caused her to be cold towards the boy, but she had to accept that he was here to stay, even if she don't like it. Her son need to learn how to trust and to open up himself again. He need to learn how to fight for his own happiness. Slowly, she gathered up the sketches that were lying on the floor. "Satoshi, listen to me. I know it's hard to feel brave or confident when you're scared. I know it's hard to open up your heart when there's a risk of it getting broken and trampled on."

She stood, sketches in her arms, and walked over to his bookshelves where all his sketchpads were kept. With her back towards him, she continued. "But often, we missed our chances because we were too scared to make a move." She let her eyes take in the labelling on the sketchpads before choosing the two that she knew mattered the most.

Then she shoved the sketchs and sketchpads into his arms. "You have to fight for what you believe in, Satoshi, because nobody is going to do it for you. You have to fight for your own happiness." Pulling him up, she gave him a brief hug, careful not to squash the sketches in his arms. "You have to try, before admitting failure. Go talk to him, show him all these, before you let him go. He's worth it, isn't he?"

Pushing him to the door, she smiled at him. "If you don't want him to go, then tell him just that."

And she watched as her son ran out of the door. "He's worth it, Satoshi, because he loves you too." She whispered to nobody in particular, hoping that sending her son off to Ninomiya would be the right thing to do.

~

Toma managed to smile yet again at Yokoyama's antics. Yamashita had been right, he thought, it was right to come to Osaka. His old friend had been delighted by his arrival, and he had insisted that Toma join the whole of Kanjani8 for Karaoke. And Toma, delighted at seeing his friend after so long, had agreed without hesitation. After all, who could better make Toma forget about Matsujun than Yoko and the rest of Kanjani8?

"Ah, Toma!" He looked up from his drink to see Ryo coming into the room. "What are you doing here? You didn't even tell me that you were coming to Osaka!"

Toma smiled. "It was a last minute decision by the management to do promotion for my stageplay here." Then his eyes darted back to the other guy that had followed Ryo in, looking for something to look at in order to not look at Ryo. For Ryo reminded him too much of Matsujun for his comfort. Like Matsujun, Ryo had no qualms about shooting his mouth off. Like Mastujun, Ryo take an unholy delight in hurting people that he don't like. Like Matsujun, Ryo sleep around like there was no tomorrow. "Ah, Ohkura-kun." He smiled at the guy that was towering over Ryo. It had always amused him to no end that Ryo, with his sizeable ego, would have a best friend that was a head taller than him. He didn't know the other guy very well, most of what he knew about Ohkura was from Ryo's mouth. And boy, Ryo talk about his best friend alot. "You're cuter than what Ryo had always described you as. I almost couldn't recognize you at the adult ceremony."

"Toma-kun..." Ohkura inclined his head in greeting. "You were there?"

Toma grinned. "Of course. Wouldn't miss Yamashita's adult ceremony for anything. That idiot went on and on about it for ages. He made me and Jin promise to be there at least six times in two weeks. You were looking good there."

Before Ohkura could open his mouth to voice his thanks, Ryo had broke in. "Of course he was. He got so much cuter now, hasn't he? Now he has half the fangirls at eight's events screaming for him."

And to Toma's amusement, the taller guy flushed slightly. "Ryo..." He chided in embarrassment.

How cute. One would think that Ryo's best friend would have gotten used to the teasing by now. However, to Toma's surprise, it was Ryo who backed down first, something that never happened before, not even with Uchi. "Alright, alright. I won't tease you anymore."

Then Toma's eyebrows shot up when Ryo took Ohkura's hand and pulled him down onto the seats in the karaoke room, fingers entwining with the drummer's intimately, as if they were lovers. His eyes darted to Yoko, who was fooling around with the lights. He knew how much trouble Yoko goes to in order to keep the group working smoothly. It wasn't like Yoko to let Ryo play with Ohkura like that without saying anything. However, it wasn't really his place to comment, so Toma sat back, eyes fixed onto the two in order to figure why Yoko had allowed the relationship to start even when Ryo was a playboy just like Matsujun.

The first thing Ryo did when he sat down was to reach for the menu. Flipping it open, Toma followed his eyes to see them fix onto Ohkura. "So what do you want to eat? I'm sure the ramen from just now wasn't enough." Toma bit his lip hard at that. It wasn't like Ryo to look at someone in that way, with such tender affection. Ryo had always been hard edges and smouldering eyes, not soft and... obviously in love.

Toma looked away and tried to distract himself by singing with Yoko, but it wasn't working. Ryo's presence behind him was stark, and he couldn't ignore it. Not when Ryo remind him of Matsujun with his every move. The way Ryo curl an arm around Ohkura possessively, the way Ryo leant into Ohkura when they laugh together, the way Ryo's face and voice soften when they're directed at Ohkura; all of these actions mirrored the way Matsujun treated him when they were together.

Wait, don't that mean that Matsujun do love him after all? All the thinking was making Toma's head hurt. He tried to look away when Ryo reached up to pull Ohkura's head down to his and he tried to ignore the sound of kisses being exchanged in the suddenly quiet room when the song that Yoko had been singing had ended. But when Ryo climbed into Ohkura's lap, lips still sealed together, Toma couldn't stand it anymore. Mumbling an excuse, he stumbled out of the room and into the nearest toilet.

His hands were shaking when he sat himself down on a closed toilet seat. He buried his face in those shaking hands, trying to calm himself. He was so confused. He was missing Matsujun that it hurt so bad, but he knew that seeing Matsujun now would hurt him more. So why was he still wishing that Matsujun would appear in Osaka, and in front of him, now?

Then his keitai rang, the cheerful ringtone cutting sharply through the anguish-thickened air, jerking him out of his depression. He pulled his keitai out of his pocket with hands that were still shaking, knowing somehow that the mail he just received was from Matsujun.

I miss you. When are you coming back?

Then he looked at the numerous messages that he hadn't read, all of them from Matsujun. He might as well see what Matsujun had to say for himself. So he scrolled to the first unread one and clicked 'open'.

Toma, where are you? I'm at the place we arranged to meet. It's getting really cold. Please hurry here!

Toma, where are you? Are you alright?

Toma, are you avoiding me? Please, would you answer your calls?

Toma, please, please, please tell me that you're alright. Are you angry with me?

Toma, I just heard that you're going to Osaka. Is it true?

Toma, I'm outside your door now. Please come home?

Toma, please talk to me. I don't know why you're avoiding me, but please, just let me see you. I need to see that you're safe.

Toma, I love you.
I don't want you to go.

He was so busy hurting that he didn't know that he was hurting Matsujun too. He was too busy hurting that he hadn't given Matsujun a chance to explain. Hadn't he always said that it was Matsujun's happiness that matter the most? It was the rawness in the last message, the knowledge that Matsujun was probably at his wit's end when he typed this, a plead from a Matsujun that was stripped of all his protective layers, that twisted at Toma's heart. How could he have hurt the one that he love so much? So he buried his face in his hand again, tears falling unhibited, wishing that he was back in Tokyo now.

~

Nino would never expect it to be Ohno that was standing outside his door when he went to answer the furious pounding, he'd expect it from Matsujun, or maybe Sho. It was so unlike Ohno. But it was him alright, standing outside Nino's door, arms filled with papers and sketchpads. What Nino was concerned about wasn't what Ohno was carrying. It was the expression on Ohno's face that drew Nino's attention.

The darkened eyes and tight set of Ohno's expression told Nino that Ohno was mad. Everyone in Arashi knew that it was never a good thing to make Ohno mad, and Nino knew it especially well. He had seen this particular look twice, and he had seen it twice too often for his liking. And it hurt to think that Ohno was mad at him. Had he done something wrong? "Oh-chan?" He ventured nervously, not wanting to set Ohno off. "Do you want to come in?" He asked, moving aside to let Ohno through, the hand holding onto the door knob getting cold and clammy.

The moment the door shut behind them, Ohno turned to look at him. At such a close distance, Nino could tell exactly how furious Ohno was. He flinched when Ohno took a step closer to him, suddenly reminded of the time Ohno got drunk and lost his temper. "Oh-chan...." Ohno's name escaped from between his lips before he knew it, a plead for all this to stop.

But the cold hard look didn't disappear from Ohno's eyes. Ohno only stepped closer, closing the gap between them, not caring if he had Nino backed against the wall. Both of them were barely aware of the scattering of all the sketches around them when Ohno dropped them, only of the fury in those usually gentle hands as they gripped Nino's shirt and slammed him against the wall.

"How could you?"

Nino froze, from a combination of fear and confusion. What was Ohno talking about? But looking at those dark eyes, he couldn't find it in himself to voice out his question. Then he gasped, as Ohno shook him hard, slamming the breath out of him.

"How could you do this?"

Nino could feel his heart pounding madly against his ribcage, it was pounding so hard that it almost hurt. "What are you talking about?" He asked meekly, when Ohno hadn't spoke after that.

To his surprise, Ohno faltered at his question. Then he watched in almost horrified fascination as the anger left Ohno's face almost instantly. It would have made him happier if not for the defeated look that remained after that. "Oh-chan..." He whispered, one hand reaching up to cup Ohno's face, trying to comfort his Leader. And his heart ached when Ohno pulled away from his touch slightly. Had things gone so bad between them that he couldn't even offer comfort without being rejected?

To his horror, Ohno's face crumbled, and the originally harsh and dominative grip on his shirt turned uncertain and desperate. "I... I... " And Nino watched, horrified as Ohno broke down, head falling to land on Nino's shoulder, all the while still clutching on to Nino. "I just don't want you to go."

~

So does this do Nino's birthday justice?

[Arashi] Doubt versus Love - Chapter 27

Sun, 30 Apr 2006 20:10:11 GMT

Pairing: No new pairings
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: You're an idiot if you sue.
A/N: Sorry about the long delay. School really sucks. I'm totally drained from school. So I won't crap so much here. Important news at the end of the post. But not so important that you need to read it before you read the chapter~

Chapter 27: Saying Goodbye

Nino stared at the script in front of him. He had told his manager to reject the script when he had first gotten it. But something had told him to dig out the script. And so now he was sitting there, staring at it.

It had been awfully easy at first. Ohno, or his dream. And Nino had made the decision without even blinking. He would have other chances in the future, he had reasoned, there was no need to rush. And he didn't want to leave Ohno's side at all. It was an easy decision. He had chosen Ohno, choosing to stay by Ohno's side over going overseas to fulfil his dream, even if it was a really good script.

However, the choices weren't so clear to him now. He had lost Ohno. He had pushed Ohno away from him. And frankly, it hurt just thinking of Ohno. Nino let himself fall back to lie on his back. He had taken a few days off work, on the pretext of reading through all the scripts to choose his next project, when in actual fact, all he wanted to do was to avoid Ohno. He wasn't ready yet. He wasn't ready to see Ohno's smile, to see how happy Ohno would be after Nino freed him, to face what he knew he lost. He was running away, he knew. But he couldn't help it. It hurt too much.

He's a coward, and he knew it. It left a bitter taste in his mouth, Nino had always prided himself on being brave and straightforward, but he was now beyond caring. He tired. He just want to get away, away from all the pain and memories. He just want to run away from it all.

Nino looked at the script again. It's a script, a chance, that many would kill for. It's also a dream that he had harboured for ages. And it's also a way out for him, a way for him to escape from reality. There really wasn't much of a decision to make, Nino thought with a snort as he reached for his keitai.

Nobody, other than himself, heard the faint, almost inaudible whisper as he dialed his manager's number. "Good bye, Oh-chan."

~

"And that idiot went ahead, despite my warning, to swallow the entire plateful. Other than the question of how does he manage to eat so fast, I would really like to know why he actually thought that the pancakes were actually edible. It was already green with mould, for goodness sake."

Toma felt a small smile breaking onto his face at his best friend's rant on the stupidity of their very beloved friend, jin, or in this case, Bakanishi. "But isn't that what you're there for?" He asked, snuggling down into Yamapi's very comfortable passenger seat. "To keep Bakanishi from rearing his ugly head, Baby-sitter-san?"

"Since when!?! I'm not!"

Toma laughed sleepily, eyes sliding halfway down in a pleasant sleepy haze. "You aren't." He agreed. "You're sometimes just as bad as he is."

"Toma! Whose side are you actually on? You're supposed to be my best friend!"

"And Jin's."

"Fine." Yamapi pouted, and Toma knew that it was there, even if his eyes were closed. He knew that particular habit very well. In fact, Jin has the same habit. Toma smiled to himself. The two were just too alike sometimes. "But I'm not as bad as he is. I don't swallow food at the sight of it especially if the food is looking rather suspicious."

Toma yawned. "Sure..." He drawled, one eye opening a little bigger to sneak a peek at his friend in the driver seat. "You're not as bad as he is. And it sure wasn't your idea to add natto to the eggs and see who can inhale more of that disgusting concoction."

"Jin ate it too!"

"Yeah, but he stopped after half a plate. You inhaled two entire plateful." Toma shook his head at the memory. "You can start running for biggest eater of the year if you go on like this. Or maybe most daring eater of the year, if you think you can beat Ohno-kun's standards. I don't think you're still in Ohno-kun's league yet though. That guy thinks that everything's edible."

Yamapi scowled. "Thanks for the vote of confidence, BEST FRIEND." Then he pouted again. "You're supposed to be on my side." He whined quietly, before turning onto the expressway.

Toma shrugged, smile fading at the thought of Arashi. "I was just stating the plain truth." His voice dropped to barely a whisper. "I can't help it if it hurts." It always lead back to him. No matter what Toma does, everything just seems to lead back to Jun.

Yamapi glanced over quickly, eyes widening slightly in alarm when he saw the darkening of Toma's eyes. He had spent the better part of last night comforting Toma and the whole of the morning cheering Toma up, and he wasn't going to let it all go down the drain. "Ne, Toma..." He mumbled, distracting Toma from his gradually depressing thoughts. "How long till your play ends?"

"Not long... I'm supposed to stay in Tokyo..." Where Matsujun would be at. "... for some promotion. But it's not really confirmed yet."

"Tokyo again? There's already so many promotion events in Tokyo." Yamapi complained. "Why aren't you going to places farther, like Osaka?"

Toma smiled. "I wanted to go to Osaka, but the management didn't seem to want to." He kind of miss the rowdy Kansai boys, now that he thought about it.

Yamapi beamed. "You should go." He encouraged. "Then you can fatten up with all the delicious food they have there! You're too skinny now!"

Toma rolled his eyes. "Just like you to only think about food. It's promotion, Yamashita, not a food tour."

Yamapi waved a hand dismissively in Toma's general direction before turning into the road leading to the studios where Toma was supposed to report at. "What's the difference anyway?" Then his tone turned serious. "On a serious note, I think you should go to Osaka."

Toma's head snapped to look at Yamapi. It wasn't everyday that Yamapi would use that tone of voice. In fact, he knew that Yamapi save that tone of voice for serious matters, very serious matters in fact. "Why?" His own voice was quiet.

Yamapi stopped his car, having reached the studio's main entrance, and turned to face Toma. "To get away from it all. I'm not encouraging you to run away, but I know it's hard to stay in Tokyo and continue facing Matsujun when it's still so raw. So why not take some time off, go to Osaka, visit some friends, before you think about all this?" He was careful to keep his tone light and cheerful, Toma knew.

And he was grateful. He may have lost Jun, but he still have his best friend. Whom had rushed down immediately from his filming just so that he could be there for Toma when Toma had called. Whom had stayed the entire night rubbing Toma's back comfortingly, offering fresh tissues and a shoulder to cry on. Whom had smiled to cover his own exhaustion when Toma asked and offered breakfast instead. Whom had tried his hardest to talk cheerfully in order to distract Toma from his depressing thoughts.

"I think I would." He told his best friend softly. "Thanks." He was lucky to have such a best friend.

Yamapi smiled. Then he leant over to give Toma a brief hug, arms tightening protectively around Toma for a moment before pulling back a little. "I'll talk to the higher-ups, don't worry." He whispered earnestly, eyes boring into Toma's. "I'd make sure they send you to Osaka for promotion events."

Toma smiled and nodded. "Thanks." He whispered back, one hand squeezing Yamapi's shoulder.

"You don't need to thank me, Toma. I'll protect you no matter what. That's what best friends are for, isn't it?"

Toma grinned. "And Jin. Don't forget Jin. He'd whine again if we forget about him."

Yamapi laughed, pulling back and settling into his own seat. "And Jin too." He agreed. "I think I'd get Jin to pick you up later today. I have to film a night scene today so I can't get here on time. We'll have a sleepover again, this time with Jin."

Only his best friend would call staying up all night comforting a hysterical and heartbroken person a sleepover. Toma had to smile at that. "You're not going to leave me alone if you can help it, aren't you?"

A laugh. "Of course not! What kind of best friend would I be then? And if you think this is bad, wait till you see what Jin would do! We have to make good use of all the time together before you leave for Osaka anyway."

Toma rolled his eyes. Kids...

~

Just like Yamapi had said, Jin was waiting for him when he finally wrapped up for the day. Surprisingly, since he was sure that Jin have his own KAT-TUN activities to attend to. He had asked but the other guy had only laughed it off, saying that he had already gotten someone to cover for him, and he had already recorded all his vocals anyway. Despite the lightness of Jin's tone, he knew that Jin had definitely bailed out on some activities and Toma couldn't help but smile and hope that Kame wouldn't yell at Jin for too long.

It was fun. Jin, in his own childish and idiotic way, managed to keep Toma occupied enough to not think about Jun. They went for dinner, which mostly consisted of Toma trying to keep Jin quiet so as not to disturb the other diners. Then they went for karaoke, which consisted of Toma trying to keep Jin from jumping too hard on the seats. Then they went for a walk, which consisted of Toma trying to keep Jin from getting knocked down by a random vehicle. It was fun, but it was a very exhausted Toma that opened the door to his apartment.

How does Yamashita keep up with Jin in his hyper mode?

Toma sighed, as he watched Jin continue bouncing about looking at random stuff that hadn't been there on his previous visit, maybe he really shouldn't have let Jin near the cotton candy machine in the lobby of his studio after all. But it was too late. Besides, he had a suspicion that Jin was doing it all on purpose to keep him from thinking about Jun.

His thoughts were suddenly broken when Jin leapt on him, clinging onto him like a kitten, a way that only Jin knew how. "Toma! Why are you zoning out? You got a mail! Read it! Read it!"

And Jin was right. He had received a mail, which he didn't notice with his thoughts wandering and all. It was from Yamashita.

Ne, Toma, I talked to the boss. You're leaving tomorrow morning. I'm done with filming now. Is on my way down! Tell Jin not to finish all the junk food ne~

It was finalized. Toma shut his keitai with a resounding snap. He was running away. Then his keitai rang again. Toma flicked it open, even if he kind of knew who the caller would be. Jun. Jun had tried contacting him all day, but Toma had refused to pick up nor return his mail. Toma cancelled the call after a moment of hesitation.

"Good bye, Jun." He felt the soft words falling from his lips almost involuntarily. Then he felt his tears started falling again, and comforting arms wrapping gently around him moments later.

~

I think most of you people know that this fic would be ending soon. It is my first fic, and I really spent alot of effort on it. I think many people would feel a little sad that it's ending, just like I am. It's ending, I'm sad, but I also know that there has to be an ending somehow.

Good news is that, I'm working on a series of oneshots that are related to this fic. They're somewhat like 'deleted scenes' from the fic, or little spin-offs. Take it as my way of thanking those that have been faithfully following this fic and giving me encouraging comments. I know who you all are, and I really do appreciate it.

Cheers~

[Arashi] Doubt versus Love - Chapter 26

Thu, 09 Mar 2006 21:27:29 GMT

Pairing: Same old, with SomeoneXMatsujun
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: You're an idiot if you sue.
A/N: Look, I tried to keep from bashing anybody, so I didn't mention any names at all. So don't be an ass and complain, okay?

Chapter 26: Breakdown II

"Matsumoto-sempai?"

Matsujun looked up from his packing to see a member of KAT-TUN standing at the door of his dressing room. The nervous fidgeting and pale face he saw told him that it was nothing good. "Yeah?" He asked, gesturing for the junior to enter. "Is something wrong?"

Matsujun sighed mentally as the junior's gaze dropped to fix itself onto the floor. He wasn't in the mood to be a good sempai and give sound advice now. He had been boggled down with filming, recording, rehearsals and stuff recently. To the point that he barely got to see Arashi, much less Toma.

"Matsumoto-sempai, I... "

Matsujun nearly snarled at the hesitant stuttering. He wasn't even half as scary as Sho could be when he blew his top sometimes. Why was that freaking idiot still stammering like he's facing execution!?! Alright, maybe that was a little too much and maybe he was looking really scary due to him missing Toma. So Matsujun pressed his lips together to prevent himself from snarling at the um, unfortunately junior, and waited with patience for the older guy to pull himself together.

"I know I shouldn't say this, but..."

"Alright, then why are you still saying it when you know you shouldn't?" Matsujun snapped, throwing himself down onto the couch, having lost all patience when the other guy.

And he watched with a frown as the other guy blushed and looked away under his gaze. This wasn't good, Matsujun grimaced as the feeling of being trapped came down on him suddenly, he knew what the other guy was going to say. He had seen this countless of times over. And while he had always delighted in it, it now filled him with dread. "Matsumoto-sempai..." The other guy began, stepping closer to Matsujun.

"Don't bother." Matsujun could taste the venom in his voice and the ice in his tone. "Don't bother at all." He repeated, getting up and moving away from the other, carefully putting distance between them.

It probably hurt alot, Matsujun thought, as he watched the face of the other fell. But he wasn't really bothered, not at all in fact. Why would he be bothered at all by how the other felt, when the other was striving to come between him and Toma? Now, to think of it, why should he even be nice in the first place? "I know what you're going to say." Matsujun started, leaning lazily against the table in a way that showed off the slight curve of his hip, concealing a smirk when the eyes of the other were immediately drawn to it. "And I can tell you straight that you don't have to bother. I'm not interested at all."

The other's mouth opened and closed wordlessly. Shock? Matsujun smirked. Poor kid, never mind the fact that the other was older, somebody must have told him that Matsujun takes them all. Matsujun tilted his head back a little, and surveyed the other with a feline look that he knew was irresistable. His lips curled into a satisfied smirk when he found what he was looking for - lust, in the other's eyes.

"But they said..." The other broke off.

Matsujun almost snorted at that. Well, at least the poor boy had a little sense to shut up when he realize how much of his foot he's stuffing into his mouth. "Ne... Are you familiar with Toma?"

"Toma?" The other frowned slightly. "They said that he's one of your lovers."

Matsujun laughed. "Was." He corrected the other mildly. "He was one of my lovers."

"Was?" The other's frown grew. "But I just saw him recently with you..." He trailed off, eyes fixed on Matsujun puzzledly, not realizing how much trouble he was actually in. "You broke up with him?" Hopeful eyes almost made Matsujun laugh, almost.

"You're really dense, aren't you?" The words were mild, but anybody would be a fool to miss the underlying tension beneath it. "People always amaze me with the levels of stupidity they can reach even when I thought that they can't go any lower."

"Let me put it so that even you can comprehend. Toma is my lover. Singular and present, mind you. Now, is that simple enough or do I have to break it down even more for you?"

"Me. Toma. Exclusive. Clear enough?" Matsujun added, talking slowly, when the other didn't respond.

The words not only stung, Matsujun saw, but cut as well. He could see the hurt in the other's eyes. Another person, Matsujun reflected amusedly, would probably be sympathetic or guilty. But Matsujun was never known for being sympathetic or particularly nice anyway. If anyway, he was pretty well known to be rather sadistic.

It wasn't enough just hurting him, Matsujun wanted the other to bleed as well. He could almost see the knife in the gut now. Just a little more, he told himself almost happily. "You think a little too highly of yourself if you actually think that I'd even consider you when there's Toma to compare you to." Matsujun purred, smiling sadistically. "You're not even pretty enough to look at." He added, smile widening at the figurative twist of the knife.

He could almost see the blood spilling out now, as he watched the anguish leaked through the mask the other was trying to put on, but it's a small price for the other to pay for even attempting to hurt Toma, even unintentionally.

"Get out of my sight now." Matsujun snarled, getting impatient with the tears he was seeing. Why would anybody think that he'd actually let someone so pathetic into his bed was beyond him. And why would anybody think that he'd cheat on Toma was puzzled him even more. He thought he had made it perfectly clear that he wasn't going to sleep around anymore.

But there other hadn't budge at all after several seconds of Matsujun glaring at him. "Are you going to remove yourself from my presence any time soon?" He snapped peevishly, tone reminding the other that despite him being the younger one, he was more senior out of the two of them. "If you aren't going to do so, you can stay here for all you want. I'm leaving."

With all of his patience used up, Matsujun pushed himself off the table and stalked towards the door, not bothering with a second glance towards the other. However, the other's words stopped him mid-stride. "You haven't even heard what I have to say." The tone was a little whiny, like a brat who hadn't learn when to give up yet.

Matsujun growled and spun around, intending to give the other a piece of his mind. But before any words could escape from his mouth, he found his mouth sealed with another and arms encased in an iron grip. It was repulsive, Matsujun found, to have someone that wasn't Toma touching him like this. Bile welled up in his throat, the desperation making him struggle frantically in order to break free.

As soon as he felt the grip around him losing strength, Matsujun placed on hand against the other's chest and pushed the two of them apart, the other hand closing into a fist to deliver to the other's jaw. "You bloody bastard!" He screamed, rage making him lose all the composure he might have. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?"

"I... " Like all others when confronted with Matsujun's rage, the other was at a loss for words, all excuses at the tip of his tongue seemed to be just plain stupid even in his own ears.

Matsujun drew a deep breath.

He might want to tear the other apart limb by limb, but he knew he couldn't. They weren't in the safety of their own company's building. There were people that were just waiting for a chance to do a Johnny's Idol in wandering around. No matter how much Matsujun despised the other at the moment, he knew that as Johnny's, they couldn't show disunity to outsiders. He may not be affected as much, but Matsujun had grown rather fond of another pair of kouhais in the other's group, he couldn't let the other's action affect the innocent members of the group. It would do to act on his animalistic instinct and tear into the other now, it'd definitely draw negative attention.

We're all professionals, Matsujun reminded himself mentally, professionals with professional masks.

The other watched, with not a little fascination as Matsujun's rage seemed to disappear almost magically, the taut anger in his features smoothing out into bored indifference like how ripples disappear from a water surface. Eyes, lazy and amused, looked down at him with feline-like disdain. A laugh, short and genuine-sounding, escaped from lips that were twisted in a sardonic smirk. This was what a professional was really supposed to be, the other realized, forgetting his fear for a short moment to marvel at how Matsujun could wear his professional mask so easily.

"Get up from the floor, you idiot." It was a command, issued coldly from a sempai to a kouhai, the other realized.

They were all well-trained, the other realized, as he quickly scrambled up from the ground to stand to in front of Matsujun before he even knew it. "We have to shoot the last scene now." Matsujun's words were practically laced with ice. "I'd deal with you later. Get out and rejoin your group now."

As the other rushed out of his dressing room like there were hell hounds on his heels, Matsujun took the moment to straightened his clothes and run a hand through his hair. Glancing at himself in the mirror, he wondered why he suddenly had a very bad feeling that was almost premonition-like. He frowned, trying to place the feeling for a few seconds before giving up. This would have to wait, he decided as he strode out from his dressing room, he still has work to do.

~

He ran, not caring of all the weird and puzzed gazes that was directed at him as he dashed past. He couldn't stand to stay there even a moment longer. He had to get away, fast. He ran, not caring of where he was going, until he reached a dead end.

Looking around, he was familiar enough with the building, he realized that he had ran into one of the less often used wings of the building. It wasn't this abandoned before. Back then, it had been so bustling with life whenever there's an event that required the presence of the Johnny's Jrs. But it was a thing of the past now. Most of the Jrs then were either debuted or have long since left the company.

Just like how the friendship between them was a thing of the past too. The friendliness and innocence back then was long gone from Matsujun's face. He hadn't want to believe it, even tried deluding himself, but it was time he faced the truth. The Matsujun he had fell head over heels for years ago wasn't the same Matsujun now.

The Matsujun now was a liar, heartless and cruel. The Matsujun now was a cheat, selfish and calculating. He had been trying so hard to delude himself into thinking that he really could have Matsujun for himself, that Matsujun could be his, and his only. But the truth would come to light one day. And the truth hurt more than anything.

He collapsed against one of the many walls, sliding down to curl up into a ball on the floor. It hurt so much. He bit his lips to prevent his tears from falling, not wanting to shed them for someone that wasn't worth it at all. But he knew that the tears was inevitable. Burying his head between his knees, the images of Matsujun in the arms of someone else flashing through his head almost sadistically, Toma cried.

~

Well? Was it okay?

[Arashi] Doubt versus Love - Chapter 25

Sun, 05 Mar 2006 02:10:41 GMT

Rating: PG-13
Pairing: OhnoXNino
Disclaimer: You're an idiot if you sue.
A/N: It's ANGSTY~ Muahahaha! And do comment ne... I know alot of you people don't. Come on, it won't hurt to boost my ego, right?

Chapter 25: Breakdown

The door wasn't locked when she arrived back home. It wasn't like her baby to forget to lock the door. And even if he had did, that brat would most probably be around to remind him to lock it. Suspicious, she peered at the shoerack as she stepped through the door for that extra pair of shoes. But to her surprise, there was none.

She had been sure that her baby would invite that brat home when she had told him that she'd be out and he'd have to make dinner on his own. Was that brat too busy to spend time with her son? But that wouldn't explain why the door wasn't locked. Taking further steps into the house, she could smell dinner. And it definitely wasn't anything her son could come up with. So that brat had been over after all...

He must had distracted her son from locking the door, she decided, mind grimacing as it conjour up various ways of how he could have done so. Lips pursing and eyebrows knitting, she stalked to the living room, intent on giving that brat a piece of her mind. But she never did manage to do so. After all, it was kind of hard to lecture someone who has already left.

As her eyes took in the entire scene, she couldn't help the surge of horror she felt. The table was set for two, she saw, but the food was untouched. A small miracle when it comes to her baby. But she hadn't bothered about why the food was left there. After all, her baby was more important. Seeing him curled up into himself, shivering and sobbing, she was wracked with flashbacks that she'd be happier not remembering.

"Satoshi?" She whispered, as she slowly approached him, crouching low as she got closer. It was never a good idea to alarm him. "Satoshi?" She tried again when there was no response.

Slowly taking him into her arms when she got close enough, she could feel her heart breaking as she felt the tremors that was wracking his body. It has been so long, so long that she had nearly forgotten how it was like, so long that being protective over her baby became only a habit that developed unconsciously. Tightening her hold, she bit her lip to hold back her own tears, it wasn't her place to cry for him. After all, she was one of those to blame for all this.

"Satoshi, would you tell me what happened?" She whispered gently into his ear, hands rubbing soothing circles on his back and running comfortingly through his hair.

She could feel him tensing up, but she refused to let him pull away. For a moment, she thought that he wasn't going to answer her, then she felt his hands clenched into her skirt. "He left." He mumbled into her shoulder, his voice so soft and so broken that she couldn't help the tear that escaped.

"You mean Ninomiya?" She asked, keeping all the usual animosity away from her tone for the time being.

She felt her son nodded slowly. "He left me." He repeated again, almost like he was still trying to digest the fact. "He told me that I should go back to Miyuki."

She was silent. There was something that wasn't right with this. Things don't match up and she couldn't help but feel that she was missing part of the picture. Why would that brat decide to leave her baby all of a sudden? While she has absolutely no liking for the brat, she was pretty certain, and resigned to the fact that the brat was here to stay whether she likes it or not.

She wasn't blind. She had seen not just affection, but devotion as well, in the brat's eyes. She had seen it right from the start. Her gift, gift in her case since it had never developed into something more than just uncanny intuition, from her mother had allowed her to see the force of his affection. It had scared her at first. The brat was only eighteen then, but the force of his affection for her son was so strong that it was nearly borderlining on obsession.

She had tried to dissuade him with every way she could think of. But it hadn't worked at all, she realized as she watched him continue lavishing affection on her son openly on television. She had laughed and then cried. She should have known that it wouldn't work. After all the brat only have eyes for her son, nothing else matters.

And she hadn't like it. Her gift was blind and useless when it comes to herself but even then, she wasn't that blind to not see the sickening pink of bitterness whenever her son's smile become extra brilliant when it was directed at the brat nor the nauseous green of realization that maybe one day the brat would replace her as her son's emotional support. The brat don't deserve it.

She was almost delirious with happiness when her son revealed his gift to his bandmates, even if she thought that he was understating everything. She was so glad that he had learnt to trust again, that he had learnt to open up to others again. But they hadn't deserved it, her lips twisted into a snarl, they hadn't deserve trust and affection that her son had bestowed on them. She had gotten sick after watching them make light of her son's gift, laughing carefreely without knowing or realizing the torture he had gone through with being saddled with something that others would never accept nor understand.

Her lip was almost tearing under the pressure of her teeth, but she paid no notice, only holding her son close, trying to comfort him with the reassurance of her presence. It wasn't fair. Hadn't her son suffered enough being saddled with a curse that had continuously tore into him for his entire life? Her heart contracted with fear every single time he looked at her and told her that he was cold with that helpless look on his face. It hurt her so much to see her son suffer, knowing that she was the one to curse him with a 'gift' like his.

She wonder what his bandmates would react when they find out that her son wasn't kidding when he claimed to be able to see spirits. She laughed silently inside her head. It wouldn't be such a mess if all he could do was to see them. He had described them as being cold, colder than even the freezing touch of ice. But it wasn't even as simple as that. Her son could feel them, and so could they. To them, her son was the warmth that they crave, something they could never get enough of.

He had never complained much, out of consideration for her, knowing that she would feel helpless and guilty if she knew. But she knew. She has a gift too, not to his extent, but a gift nonetheless. She couldn't feel them, but she could see them vaguely. If she concentrate hard enough, she could make out the skeleton-like impression of hands clawing at her son's body, desperately trying to feel the warmth.

She had tried to comfort him with every way she could think of. But even if she hold him close, how much help would it be? It wasn't a physical thing after all. All she could do, was to protect him from the prejudiced glares of others, and being there for him emotionally. Even then, she had failed him. She couldn't protect him from the abuse he had suffered when people had found out about his gift. She couldn't protect him from being hurt by that brat. She had failed him badly.

"Don't let it get to you, Satoshi." She whispered into his hair. "It isn't worth it. You're stronger than this. Ninomiya's not worth you suffering because of him. Be strong, Satoshi."

"No!" She was startled by the vehemence of his denial.

"Satoshi?" Her heart ached when he pulled away from her, watching helplessly as he distanced himself from her, arms wrapped around himself.

"He's worth everything, Okaasan." Her son's voice was soft, hesitant, and heartbroken. "He's everything to me."

"Satoshi..."

She tried again to reach out for him, but he shielded away from her. "It wouldn't help at all, Okaasan." He told her bitterly. "It'd still be cold no matter what you do."

"Satoshi!" She couldn't help her frustration. "I wasn't talking about THAT."

"I know." Her son's voice was quiet, but firm. She subsided, feeling like a child when pinned under his weary gaze. "I know you were talking about Nino."

"You won't understand, Okaasan. Nino's everything to me. You don't understand what that means." Her son smiled at her, but the smile was empty, devoid of the usual life and humor. "Nino's more than what you think he is. Okaasan, he's warm."

She knew that her shock must have reflected in her face, for he had laughed, arms tightening around himself. "I don't feel cold when he's around, Okaasan. He feels like a bonfire all the time. I can't feel them touching me when he's around."

He wasn't kidding when he said that the brat was his everything. She didn't know if she should laugh or cry. Should she laugh because her son found salvation? Or should she cry because her fear of losing her son had came true?

She almost sneered at the thought of losing her son to someone normal. How could she have lost Satoshi to that brat when the brat could never understand what her son was going through? But her son's words had proven her wrong. Just the fact that her son could feel warm with the brat's presence was proof enough. The only reason why the brat's presence would make such a difference to her son wasn't because the brat's gifted as well. It was her son's attachment to the brat that was the cause of it. Her son was in love with the brat all along after all. For two people who could see beyond what the human eye could see, they were both so blind.

"And now he's gone..." Her attention snapped back to the present at his soft words, and she could only watch as he buried his head between his knees in despair.

Was he? Was the brat really gone now? She wouldn't know for sure until she sees the brat again but her son apparently believed so. She looked at him, feeling helpless at being unable to comfort him. Her heart aches for him almost all the time.

Every time she looks at him, she'd remember the jaded eyes of a seven-year-old before he grew up enough to learn how to mask them. Every time she hugs him, she'd recall the dark look on his face, courtesy of knowing and seeing far more than he should. Every time she strokes his hair, she'd remember the bruises and cuts, that were the only physical contact he ever had with other people, she had bandaged throughout the years.

It was hard to even smile sometimes, much less remain optimistic. But her son had managed it.

Sometimes, she thought as she let her shoulders sag, she was so tired of it all. Reaching out for her son, she pulled him into her embrace before finally allowing her tears to fall. She hadn't believed in tears for a long time. But if it'd wash away the despair and pain from her son, she'd cry for as long as she could.

~

[Arashi] Doubt versus Love - Chapter 24

Wed, 01 Mar 2006 01:10:16 GMT

Rating: PG-13
Pairing: OhnoXNino
Disclaimer: You're an idiot if you sue.
A/N: ANGSTY. And my apologies for the lateness of this chapter.

Chapter 24: Shattered Ice

It was cold, Ohno decided, as he gazed longingly at Nino talking to their producer in the other room. The room temperature was kept at the usual 25 degrees, but Ohno still felt cold gnawing at his fingers. It was so cold that he felt kind of numb. Ohno slunked deeper into his seat, trying to hide from the cold blasts the air conditioning must be giving out, and he shivered.

Glancing down at his tightly clenched fingers, Ohno almost laughed aloud. There was nothing wrong with the room temperature, the one with a problem was him. It had been so long that he had nearly forgotten about it. How careless of him...

Nino hadn't really spoken to him much the entire day, too engrossed in his composing of a new melody to play with him. Ohno understood that. Music was and always would be an important part of their lives. So he hadn't pouted for attention. Instead he sat quietly to the side and watched Nino on the pretext of memorizing the new lyrics for his concert.

It was cold, Ohno decided, the way Nino moved about the entire day. Every single movement from Nino had seemed etched with ice in Ohno's mind. The unspoken tension in Nino's limbs as he played the guitar, scribbled his music, was like a blizzard in Ohno's mind, freezing him with uncertainty.

There was something wrong with Nino, but he hadn't any idea what it was. Nino was hiding something inside, and Ohno couldn't tell what it was. But, Ohno knew, with the way Nino was acting, he was sure that it wasn't anything good. Something told him that it was something he should know, but as Ohno observed the hard, unyielding lines of Nino's back, he wondered if Nino would actually confide in him. And it was driving him crazy not knowing.

Ohno hate not knowing what was going on with Nino. He hate being unable to read Nino's body language and tell what was wrong with Nino immediately. It made Nino seem so distant, so far from his reach.

He didn't like it one bit. It left him feeling cold. Like someone had carelessly left him outside in the middle of a snow storm, leaving him there to freeze without any care. It hurt, the pain feeling like the phantom slices of cold wind biting mercilessly into his skin if he was really outside in a snow storm. Ohno shivered, pulling his jacket around him unconsciously, even if he knew very well that it wouldn't help at all.

It had been quite some time since he last felt the cold. So long that he had almost forgotten what it felt like. And it was now coming back in full force. Ohno resisted the urge to curl up into himself. That would attract people's notice and he didn't want that. Instead, he chose to let his eyes stay on Nino, forcing himself to watch the other, even if it was hurting himself doing so.

Nino, in Ohno's mind, was all fiery heat and smouldering fire, from when they first met till now. The passion that was inside the other was hot, almost flammable, so unlike Ohno himself. He was always cold, always numb, unlike Nino. Nino's touch had always burnt. Every single lingering of fingers, every gentle brush of hands, they all burnt. But Ohno hadn't mind it at all. It made the cold go away, Ohno was grateful for every moment of it.

That reason alone was enough to make Ohno crave Nino's touch. Nino's touch made him feel more alive, the simple contact almost like a confirmation that he was alive. Ohno was alive, he knew it, but he didn't feel like it. He was always numb, always cold, like the dead.

It had scared everyone, even his mother. Some hated him for him, some got worried for him. Ohno grimaced mentally at the smothering care from his mother that was a result of it. He knew he should be grateful for having a mother that would do so much for him, but it was suffocating sometimes. But nothing could be as bad as what he had endured throughout his childhood, Ohno decided, shuddering even as he recalled the isolation, sneers and the stones.

Ohno looked up and saw Nino frowning angrily down at his sheet music, frustration and contempt apparent on his face. Then Nino looked up, and their gazes caught.

For a split second, Ohno could have thought that the contempt was directed at him, the anger was because of him. And the cold was suddenly back stronger than ever, stronger than he had ever felt before, until he recovered his grip on his own sanity. He had been wrong when he thought that he had endured the worst in his childhood. The childish contempt from his peers and the physical demonstration of their hatred were nothing compared to what it would be like if Nino ever hate him, or if Nino ever decide that he wouldn't want to touch Ohno ever again for the rest of their lives.

He had learnt to act as if the cold wasn't there, in order to be able to be relatively normal. He had learnt to hide behind the masks. He was pretty successful to the point that he sometimes couldn't tell which was the real him. He was so successful to the point that he had almost convinced himself that he was normal, that everything was alright. It was easy, when there was Nino around to chase the cold away.

Ohno pulled his knees up to his chest and buried his head between them, trying to forget about the cold and hoping that the distant look in Nino's eyes had all been his own imagination at work. He couldn't do without Nino. He need Nino to melt away the ice.

~

Work was over, and Ohno could finally latch onto Nino without worrying that he was disrupting. But it was still cold, even as his arms slid around Nino from behind and held him close, although not as cold as before. "Nino-chan..." Ohno whispered into the back of Nino's neck, keeping his voice sweet and slightly whiny, "Let's go to my house today, okay? Okaasan said that she'd be going over to visit my uncle and I'd be all alone. Keep me company?"

Ohno couldn't tell what would be Nino's reaction to his demand. Nino had been so cold and so distant the entire day that he couldn't tell what Nino had been thinking throughout the day. Would Nino reject his invitation? Ohno kept silent, waiting for Nino's reply. He held his breath unknowingly, as Nino finally turned in Ohno's embrace to face him. And he let out the breath he didn't know he was holding when the stern lines of Nino's features softened and Nino nodded.

"Yatta." Ohno whispered before kissing Nino's cheek.

In Nino's car, Ohno fidgeted with the edge of his jacket. It must had been his overactive imagination just now, Nino's cheek hadn't felt cold at all. But no matter how much he tried to convince himself, he could still feel the icy feel of Nino's cheek on his lips. It had burnt. But the touch had seared only because it had been so cold to the point that it burnt his lips.

Why?

He soon found out.

Nino had been too quiet for the entire trip. So quiet that Ohno almost thought that he was ill. But Nino looked just fine. So Ohno knew that Nino couldn't have been ill. He wanted to ask Nino what was wrong, but there was something in the air, a tensed awkwardness that kept Ohno from voicing out any concern. So Ohno kept quiet, silently leading the way up the stairs to his home.

Nino was still silent, when he started preparing dinner in Ohno's kitchen, movements edged with ice as he mechanically chopped and sliced. Ohno could only watch him from the doorway, not wanting to intrude, moving from foot to foot trying to ward off cold as if it was a physical thing.

Sitting at the table, facing a delicious-looking meal, Ohno couldn't help wondering if Nino was going to speak to him at all. He desperately wanted to reach across the table and hold Nino's hand in his, to feel the warmth of Nino's skin against him. He was cold, and Nino was warm. But Nino seemed so unreachable, even if he was just sitting across Ohno.

"Oh-chan?" The soft whisper startled him. Ohno's eyes immediately travelled up from Nino's hands to Nino's face. The hesitance he saw in Nino's eyes made him bit his lip in apprehension. "Let's break up."

Ohno's breath caught in his throat. No...

"I know that I've been very selfish, Oh-chan. I think it's time I grow up. I shouldn't keep making use of you."

Nino was making use of him?

"I used your guilt against you, making you agree to all my demands. I know it's unforgiveable of me to do all that, seeing as you're my best friend and all."

Best friend... Was he only just that to Nino?

"There has to be a limit to this." A vague gesture.

Nino couldn't stand being with him?

"It's time you go back to Miyuki."

He rather that I go back to that bitch that hurt him?

"Maybe one day you can forgive me and we can be friends again. But I'd understand if you won't."

Nino only wants to be friends, just friends. And he doesn't care if we aren't friends.

"I should go now. Goodbye, Oh-chan."

He's leaving. What about the cold? He can't leave me alone!

Ohno sat there and stared, as Nino stood up and gathered his things. His mouth moved slightly, almost as if he wanted to protest, but nothing came out. He was frozen numb, too cold to do anything. Nino was too busy trying his best to not look at Ohno's face, unable to face the relief he knew that definitely would be there, to notice the violent shaking of Ohno's body.

Ohno gulped as soon as the front door closed behind Nino with a resounding click. He was shaking uncontrollably, he knew. Ohno wrapped his arms around himself, curling into himself in the emptiness of the dining room. It was just so cold. Ohno could feel the phantom touches of hands that were colder than ice all over him, grappling at him like they couldn't get enough of him. He could feel the delight as they tried to consume him, to consume all the warmth that he have inside. It was so cold.

Ohno drew in a shaky breath as he huddled on the floor, trying to keep the cold from getting to him. Then he felt the warmth, brief instances of the slightest warmth on his cheeks that seemed searing hot, that seemed to be gone almost as soon as they appeared. Ohno reached up with one shaking hand to touch his face. It was wet. Was he crying? He wondered almost confusedly. He hadn't cried for real since he was eight and had realized that his tears wouldn't help him at all. He had cried buckets, but the pain hadn't stop. He had cried himself hoarse, but there was nobody to rescue him. Nobody wanted to.

Nobody had ever really wanted him, the real him, except for his mother. The realization hurt, cutting deep into a heart he didn't knew that still existed. No matter what he did, no matter how good his acting was, the cold would still be there waiting for him. It was never gone, it had only retreated back into the shadows of his mind, waiting for the right time to engulf him in it's frozen embrace just like old times.

Ohno knew that the cold would stop once he became just like it. But he didn't want to. He craved the warmth just like it do, but he craved a warmth that belong to him and only him alone more.

Nino.

But Nino was gone. Nino didn't want him anymore. Nino wouldn't drive the cold away for him anymore.

Ohno choked, gasped, and laughed. Of all people, he would hardly have thought that it would be Nino that would break him.

~

The cold would be explained later. But cookies to those who guessed it right~!

And please do comment.

[Arashi] Doubt versus Love - Chapter 23

Tue, 17 Jan 2006 22:01:27 GMT

Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Same old.
Disclaimer: You're and idiot if you sue.
A/N: Here's the next chapter. Sorry for the wait. I was too frustrated over the redecorating of my room to write anything at all. Even now, this chapter isn't really up to expectation. *sigh* But heck it...

Let's get on with the fic...

Chapter 23: Forbidden fruit was what had drove Adam and Eve out of Eden

Nino hadn't thought that he would bump into Takizawa when he was in search of a new game to occupy the free time they always have in between locations. Despite the other's striking looks, Nino hadn't notice him until they bumped into each other.

"Ah!" They both exclaimed as they recognized each other, knowing better to yell out the other's name.

"What are you doing here?" Nino asked him happily as they wandered into the game shop. "I never expect to see you here ever."

Takki grinned and scratched his head, the action sharply reminded Nino of his own absent lover. "Well, you see, Tsuba had this obsession with this game recently. I heard that the part two of it was
released yesterday, so I thought I'd buy it for him."

"Aww..." Nino couldn't help but coo at that. "That's so sweet of you." He teased the other. "I'm sure Tsuba-kun would be happy to do whatever you want for the entire week if you really buy it for him."

"Nino!" Takki hissed quietly, still careful not to draw attention to them, face turning slightly red. "It's not like that!"

Nino only wave his hand at that and grinned. "Fine, I'm sure you don't like it when Tsubasa-kun look at you with those adoring eyes and proclaim that you're the bestest person out of the whole world?"

"Nino, there's no such word as 'bestest'. And besides, I already know how much Tsuba loves me. I don't need him to prove it to me."

Nino rolled his eyes at that. "Sometimes you two make me sick with how lovey-dovey you two can get."

Takki snorted, something he would definitely NOT do on television. "Come on, who are you kidding. You're just as bad. You think nobody noticed the groping between you and Ohno-kun backstage?"

Nino flushed at the retort. "We weren't!" He defended himself.

"Yeah, right. I supposed it's the inevitable though, with the way you two stick together like glue most of the time. But honestly, it's almost sickeningly sweet with the way he adores you."

Nino almost laughed into Takki's face but he restrained himself with a fake smile. What does Takki know? He was the one that is in a blissful relationship with someone who loves him back wholeheartedly. With someone that totally adores him.

Unlike himself...

~

Nino was surprised to find that he could recognize members of a junior group he hardly had contact with. It was all Matsujun's and Sho's fault, he groused, remembering the talk between the two about KAT-TUN in the studios. Somehow it had stuck firmly in his mind. Maybe it was the resemblance to his situation that had fixated the conversation so firmly in his mind - unrequited love.

Nino was having lunch alone at a cafe near his filming location, having slipped off to be by himself while the rest of the cast and crew have lunch together. It wasn't that he didn't like them, but they were a little too hyper and too friendly for his taste. He couldn't bring himself to be bouncy and happy when Oh-chan wasn't there with him to join in the fun. So the merry atmosphere of the set had only made him sick.

Halfway through, he had spotted two tall figures entering the cafe, the way the two tower over normal folks catching his attention. They had seemed familiar to him, and he would recognize the Johnny's Idol aura anywhere. It didn't take too long for him to figure out that the two was Akanishi and Taguchi from KAT-TUN.

From what he had remembered from the conversation between Sho and Matsujun, Taguchi was supposed to be suffering from unrequited love for Akanishi. Nino couldn't help but smirk at that. If Akanishi was like anything Takki had described to him before, Taguchi would really have his work cut out for him.

But it hadn't seem that way, Nino realized after a while. Akanishi had seemed rather stand-offish when they had settled for a corner booth just directly in Nino's line of sight. But as the meal carried on, Nino noticed the small gestures of affection from Akanishi that had shown that the feelings Taguchi had wasn't as one-sided as Matsujun and Sho had believed.

Like the gentle squeeze of Taguchi's hand over the table when a couple of giggling schoolgirls started pointing and talking loudly about the two. Or the silly grin that was directed at Taguchi and Taguchi only. The fangirls two tables away didn't matter, and neither did Nino's stare, apparently. It was just Akanishi and Taguchi.

Nino looked down at the remains of his meal and felt envious, and strangely sickened, almost like guilt for intruding on the two's private time. If only Oh-chan would return his affection like the way Akanishi was beginning to return Taguchi's.

Laying the money for his meal down, Nino hurriedly stood up. Thinking about Oh-chan in that way always made his heart ache and his lungs contract. It was getting suffocating in the cafe. Jamming his cap over his head, Nino all but ran out of the cafe, careful not to alert the group of giggling fangirls.

Outside the cafe, breathing in the fresh air outside and feeling his lungs expand, Nino sighed as he prepared to walk back to the set. A backward glance back inside the cafe showed him that nobody had noticed his departure except for the staff. Akanishi and Taguchi were still laughing carefreely over some joke Akanishi had made.

Nino smiled and turned away, silently wishing the two good luck in their budding relationship. Stuck in his current situation, he now knew how precious love can be. Love should be appreciated when found. Biting his lip to keep the tears at bay, Nino started on his way back to work.

~

Nino couldn't help but smile sadly as he watched Sho and Aiba smile and exchange kisses when they thought that nobody was looking. That was what love and relationships should be like.

What he and Oh-chan have was only a farce, a lie, forced on by Nino's selfishness. Even if there was love, it was only one-sided love on his part. And well, lust on both their parts.

Nino wondered how long would such a relationship last. Until Oh-chan couldn't take it anymore? Or until Nino himself break under all the guilt? But one thing for sure, such a relationship would never be able to last. Even if Nino holds onto it with a death grip, it'd still surely break apart.
Then Nino felt arms going about him, and a soft kiss on the back of his neck. "Ne, Nino-chan, what are you thinking about?" His boyfriend asked softly from behind him.

Nino smiled and patted on of Ohno's hands. "It's nothing." He reassured Ohno. "Just some random thoughts."

Then Nino twisted around to face Ohno. "It's nothing." He repeated again, as he leaned in for a kiss just like the one he had saw Sho give Aiba, desperately wanting even just an imitation of what he had seen.

~

Nino think that he's a sucker for punishment. Sitting on one of the park's benches and watching couples stroll past, there's no other way to explain why he was there when it hurt so much. There was so much love in the air, so much that it was almost painful for Nino to breath.

It wasn't really fair, Nino thought, as his eyes followed a high school couple enviously, how he long for something like that too. The love between the two was blatant, and Nino wished that he could have the same thing with Ohno.

But, Nino grimaced, it really wasn't meant to be. Maybe it's punishment, or karma, for everything he had done. Punishment for sleeping around, backlash for trapping Oh-chan in this relationship, and karma for using other people.

Nino wonder how long it would be before he breaks. He didn't exactly like the idea of having his heart broken, but from how things were progressing, it seemed rather inevitable. Oh-chan would leave him sooner or later.

Because Oh-chan doesn't love him. Nino stifled a sob that had risen from his throat. Wiping the traitorous tears away almost angrily, Nino told himself that he couldn't cry, he has no right to cry. It was all his doing. He has no right.

He deserve everything, Nino told himself harshly. He deserve it when Oh-chan eventually get tired of indulging his whims and leave him. He deserve it when Oh-chan go back to Miyuki. He deserve it when he would be left all alone. He deserve everything for being the manipulative bastard he is.

Sitting there on the bench all alone, Nino wished that he hadn't demanded that they date. Maybe he wouldn't be feeling so bad now.

If he hadn't demanded that they date, he wouldn't be hurting Oh-chan. If he hadn't been so wilful, he wouldn't be hankering even more after something, or someone, he could never have. A taste of the forbidden fruit would only leave one thirsting for more.

He now had a taste of what it would be like to have Oh-chan, to be with Oh-chan. And he was addicted. He couldn't get enough of the feel of Oh-chan's hand in his, the feel of Oh-chan's lips on his, of Oh-chan being his. Like a moth drawn to a flame, he couldn't help wanting to be with Oh-chan, no matter how much it may slice at his heart.

Why hadn't anybody told him that forbidden fruit was addictive? Oh-chan had become his drug. And like a drug addict, he need his daily fix. It was pathetic how Nino, once independent and strong-willed, had fallen.

But it was too late, he couldn't turn back time, no matter how much he wished to. And neither was he strong enough to let go of Oh-chan.

~

Now, that's 23 down and 6 more to go.

[Arashi] Doubt versus Love - Chapter 22

Tue, 03 Jan 2006 12:10:40 GMT

Rating: M-18 (For sex scene)
Pairing: Same old, with mention of NinoXStranger
Disclaimer: You're an idiot if you sue.
A/N: Ah well, the chapter's done. Sex is a terrible thing to write about. Thank goodness this is the last one! And the chapter isn't as dark as I wanted it to be. *sigh* But I'm too depressed to write proper angst.

So here's the next chapter:

Chapter 22: Karma?

Nino found himself speechless as he stared at the guy standing in front of him in horror. This was so not happening. But it was. What was he supposed to do? He couldn't even remember the guy's name for goodness' sake!

"Ah! It's really Ninomiya-kun!" The guy exclaimed cheerfully after taking a closer look at his face. "It's been quite a while ne?"

Nino couldn't only let out a strangled sound at that. This was so not happening. This was so NOT happening.

"You know, I do remember clearly that I told you to call me after that, right? You never did!" The guy continued in the same loud voice, this time, his tone was a little accusatory. "And to think that I thought that you were pretty sweet when you were picking me up! You were just looking for a one night stand, weren't you?"

Then the guy's gaze fell onto Ohno, whose arms were still around Nino. "Ah..." The guy's face twisted into a sneer. "I see you found someone else already. What a slut."

"Why can't you see that you aren't wanted here?" Ohno spoke up before Nino could react to the insult. "Are you really that desperate?"

Nino couldn't help but felt a very familiar fear at the cold and mocking tone of Ohno's voice. And it seemed that the guy had felt the same. Backing away from the cold eyes, the guy threw a last sneer over his shoulder before scampering away to safety. "Whatever, you are not that good anyway."

Then Nino felt one of Ohno's hands stroking his back gently, comforting him. And Oh-chan's lips touched his ear. "Don't be so tense, Nino-chan." He cooed huskily.

"Oh-chan..." It came out almost as a whimper.

Ohno then pulled slightly away. "Hush, Nino-chan. We'll go some other place, alright?" He told the other in the same sultry and yet comforting tone. "I'll go tell Matsujun that we'll be leaving first."

Even as he spoke, Ohno's hands were still wandering into places that borderline on public indecency. Nino couldn't help but wonder if Ohno wasn't mad at him after all.

After receiving a hesitant nod from Nino, Ohno leant in for a quick kiss, nimbly biting down a little harshly on Nino's bottom lip before pulling away. "Wait here, Nino-chan. I'll be right back."

Startled by the sudden pain, Nino watched dumbly as Ohno went up to Matsujun. He watched the two exchange a few words, then a laugh before Ohno bade the rest farewell.

Returning to Nino, Ohno picked up his bag and held out a hand for Nino. "Well?" He asked, as he stood there waiting for Nino to take his hand.

Maybe, Nino thought as they left hand-in-hand, Oh-chan wasn't mad at him after all.

~

Matsujun watched as Ohmiya left hand-in-hand. For a while, when Yukimura had approached Nino, Matsujun had been worried about what Leader might do. The darkened eyes and possibly cruel words might not be good publicity if the press found out, but at least, to Matsujun's relief, was subtle.

And Leader had put his worries to rest when Ohno had came over to inform him that he and Nino were leaving first. Leader hadn't seemed angry, and when Matsujun had asked, Leader had grinned conspiratorially at him and told him that he was going to restake his claim on what was his.

Pulling Toma closer, as close as he could without Toma sitting in his lap, Matsujun let his hands wander up Toma's thighs. "Ne, Toma, do you want to go to the washroom?" He whispered sultrily into Toma's ear, causing the other to raise an eyebrow.

"Can't wait?" Toma's tone was a little mocking, but he was smiling when he stood up and pulled Matsujun along to the bathroom.

Matsujun smirked. It won't be just Nino that would be getting some tonight.

~

Nino found it hard to concentrate on the driving when Ohno couldn't keep his hands off him. The light touches on the back of his neck, the warm palms on his knee, they were all driving him crazy. Thus, when he sighted the signboard signaling their destination, he couldn't help but felt relieved that he wasn't going to crash his car after all.

Immediately after Nino had turned off the engine, Ohno's hand had shot out to pull the key out of the ignition. The same hand had grabbed him after it had tossed his bunch of keys carelessly onto the dashboard and pulled him into the backseat.

"Oh-chan!" He managed to squeak as he felt himself landing on his back.

He wasn't given the chance to speak again as Ohno had immediately joined him in the backseat, his movements rocking the car slightly. But neither of them was worried. The beach they were at was deserted at night. It was a safer place for making out than either of their houses where both their mothers seemed intent on catching them in the act, though with different purposes.

And when Oh-chan had fused their mouths together in a hot, passionate kiss, Nino forgot what he had wanted to say. All that mattered then was the wet warmth of Oh-chan's tongue, and the way it was sending tingling feelings down his spine.

Nino lost all train of thoughts when Oh-chan's hands started wandering. The soft, gentle caresses down his sides were raising goosebumps everywhere. He shivered when the almost phantom touches finally materialized into reality as Oh-chan's hands gripped his hips to pull him closer.

The contact caused Nino to gasp into Oh-chan's mouth. And as their tongues continued to dance with each other, Nino could feel Oh-chan's lips curl slightly, like he was smiling at Nino's bodily reaction.

It wasn't long before they had to part for breath. Looking up at Oh-chan, Nino realized that the look in Oh-chan's eyes was very familiar. It was the same look he saw on that fateful night. Nino swallowed nervously, although his hands only gripped the front of Ohno's shirt tighter, as he realized that Oh-chan was mad at him after all.

One of Ohno's hands released its grip it had on Nino's hip and entangled itself into Nino's hair. Nino winced at the pain as Ohno's hand forcefully tilted his head back so that he could look Nino in the eye. "Who was that guy, Nino?" Oh-chan's voice was low and harsh, with the same cold anger Nino had experienced from before.

Nino abstractly wondered how he was going to explain this to Ohno. It didn't seem like a good idea to bring up the sleeping around topic at this point of time. He didn't want to further anger Oh-chan if he could help it. Biting his lip, Nino looked away. He didn't like this at all. He didn't like it when Oh-chan get angry at him and stopped treating him with affection. The absence of the usual '-chan' was a stark reminder that Oh-chan was mad at him.

Ohno, on the other hand, realized that he wasn't going to get an answer from Nino as Nino's eyes averted away. His grip on Nino's hair tightened, eliciting a hiss from Nino. "I'm asking you, who was that guy!" He nearly growled.

"Oh-chan! Stop this!"

It came out just like that. He hadn't meant to say it. But he did. Nino hoped that it hadn't made Oh-chan madder at him. "Gomen, Oh-chan, I didn't mean to."

Ohno smiled, his smile cold and dark. "Did it hurt, Nino-chan?" He crooned. His usage of '-chan' then was definitely not affectionate, and definitely mocking.

Nino didn't like it at all. He didn't like the way Oh-chan look at him like he wasn't important. This Oh-chan was alluring, and if not for the careless, uncaring way this Oh-chan looked at him, Nino would probably have liked this a little more.

"Was he one of your one night stands?"

It probably wouldn't do to lie to Oh-chan at this time. Not only do Oh-chan have this instinct for liars, who knows what Oh-chan would do when he find out that Nino was lying? Thus, Nino nodded silently, cringing as Oh-chan's face darkened at his answer. Maybe lying might have been a better option after all...

"It was only one time?"

Nino nodded again, this time wondering why Oh-chan was asking something so weird.

"Sou ka..." Ohno nodded at Nino's response, his face softening just a little.

Then his gaze focused on Nino again and he smiled the same dark smile from before. "But I think I should make sure that you'd remember not to let this happen again."

Ohno leant in close, their lips brushing against each other's. "I'm going to reclaim you." He told Nino quietly, with no small amount of unidentified emotion in his eyes. "You're mine, remember? MINE." He finished with a growl and captured Nino's mouth in a fiery kiss.

Nino felt one of Ohno's knees nudging his legs open and his hands wandering up Nino's shirt as their tongues continued to entwine. Parting his legs so that Oh-chan would be have space to lie without forcing his entire weight on Nino, he gasped as something collided and pleasure shot through him.

"Oh-chan!" Nino gasped as his hands shot out to grapple desperately at Ohno's hips.

This felt so good. He wanted more, no needed more. But Oh-chan didn't seem inclined to give it to him. He could hear soft chuckles from Oh-chan, hands stroking his face and chest, as he laid there with his eyes tightly shut, but he wasn't getting more. "More..." He breathed out.

He barely registered Ohno's voice saying "Good boy" before the pleasure came again. Was this a reward for his pleading? He forced his eyes opened, and was rewarded with lust-darkened eyes staring down at him.

"Did that feel good, my little Nino-chan?" Ohno practically purred at him.

At Nino's frantic nodding, Ohno smiled. "That's good. Now, keep your eyes open. I want you to see who's doing THIS." His last word was accompanied by a sinfully pleasurable grind. "I want you to see, and remember who's giving you all the pleasure."

Nino could only gasp and then whimper. His nerves were tingling and his thoughts were in a jumbled mess as he gazed pitifully at Ohno. And Ohno smiled. "You like that, don't you, my pretty little thing?" He asked pleasantly, as his hands began unbuttoning Nino's shirt.

"Remember that you're mine, Nino-chan." Nino heard this through a pleasure haze.

Ohno's hands were undoing his belt now. He definitely did not have any problems with being Ohno's. He was more than happy to, in fact, even if it was as a plaything. "Yours..." He agreed breathlessly.

So lost in the sensations, Nino missed the smile, sweet and happy, that had flitted across Ohno's face at Nino's admission. As they both lost their clothes and Ohno pulled back to dig into his bag for the moisturing lotion he had brought to work, Nino once again missed the fond grin on Ohno's face as he whined for more. "Oh-chan..."

Once Ohno had found what he was searching for, he lowered himself back onto Nino. His tongue delving into Nino's mouth again, delighting in the desperate way Nino had clung to him.

Ohno supposed that he was a little rough on Nino, the gasp of pain when he had entered Nino hadn't been exactly music to his ears. But at that point of time, both were too enthusiastic, and probably too desperate, to care much. Nino's fingers clawing down his back, and Nino gasping, demanding for more, had shown that he hadn't mind it much.

Nino hadn't felt so out of control since high school, as he laid there, clutching desperately at Ohno. Waves and waves of pleasure flowed over him. Drifting in a sea of desire and red hot pleasure, Nino vaguely heard Ohno whispered "You're mine." into his ear before the pleasure got too intense and pushed him over the edge.

Yes, he was Ohno's, through and through, as a friend, a lover, or even a play thing, Nino realized as he slowly floated down from the intense high moments ago. Nino was slowly getting used to the stabbing pain in his heart every time he thought about his mostly unrequited love. His thoughts drifted to the guy that had been the catalyst for tonight.

The guy had wanted more than just an one night stand with him, he knew, but he couldn't bring himself to go back for more. And he had hurt the other guy, as demonstrated by the lashing out the guy did earlier in the night. Was this karma? Having his heart broken when he had broke other's before?

Caught up in his melanocholy thoughts, Nino didn't manage to catch all of what Ohno had whispered to him. "...you."

Nino's head jerked to look at Ohno, who had buried his face in Nino's shoulder. "Huh? Did you say something, Oh-chan?"

Ohno looked up at him, slightly pouting. Then he sighed as his arms tightened around Nino. "Don't worry about it. It's nothing." He told Nino as he pressed a soft kiss on a bite mark he had created on Nino's collarbone earlier.

Nino nodded and snuggled closer, now that Oh-chan was sweet and nice again. Briefly, he wondered if it had been disappointment and hurt he had heard and seen in Oh-chan's eyes when Oh-chan had dismissed his question.

It had probably been his imagination. Why would Oh-chan be disappointed or hurt?

~

Ahh, all the wild hormones, ne?

Now that this is done, there's 7 more to go. I'm so glad, I'm running out of ideas fast.

Do comment, ne? Have fun.

P.S. For those that came there from the forum, please, please, can someone upload the clip for me? *bad puppy eyes*

[Arashi] Doubt versus Love - Chapter 21

Sat, 31 Dec 2005 16:34:06 GMT

Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Same old.
Disclaimer: You're an idiot if you sue.
A/N: Happy New Year to one and all!

Chapter 21: Of lovey-dovey-ness, and brewing of a storm

Sho wondered how things would progress so fast without him even noticing it. He was only missing from work for a day and all of a sudden, Ohmiya SK were being even more lovey-dovey than Matsujun and Toma. Though, as he watched Ohno happily feed cherries to Nino, he decided that it wasn't such a bad thing after all.

Matsujun on the other hand, was also bewildered by the events that had apparently happened yesterday. He swore that the two weren't acting like this at all yesterday. What, he wondered, had transpire to cause this change?

Though, he smiled, as Ohno leant in to press a kiss on Nino's cheek, causing both to giggle quietly, it wasn't such a bad thing after all. At least both did seem genuinely happy.

But the person that seemed the happiest was Aiba. Both Sho and Matsujun had smiled as Aiba literally pounced on the two in delight when he had noticed them holding hands and exchanging little kisses. It was a really cute sight.

Then as Aiba bugged the two for a double date with him and Sho, Matsujun felt a sudden pang of loneliness. When they're doing couple-y stuff as a group, he would be left out, since Toma wasn't a part of Arashi. Distracted as he was, he was startled when Aiba all of but leapt straight into his lap. "Matsujun! Weren't you listening? Mou, you are always daydreaming about Toma! Pay attention sometimes too, would you?" Aiba complained.

Matsujun blinked. Then he continued staring at Aiba bouncing happily on his lap. "What?" He managed to croak out. What he wanted to say was more along the lines of "What's so important that you have to sit on me? Please get off before your darling Sho decide that skinning me would be a good idea." But Matsujun doubt that it would register with Aiba anyway.

Aiba pouted. "I was saying, call Toma and tell me to meet us later. We can go on a triple date! There's a movie we all wanted to watch, remember? We can all go today! It'll be fun!" He informed Matsujun, while still bouncing up and down on Matsujun's lap.

"Oh." Matsujun blinked again. "Fine." He agreed a little snappishly as Aiba's weight was finally taking a toil on his legs. "But can you first get off me? If you want to bounce so much, I think Sho wouldn't mind at all if you go bounce on his lap."

Aiba paused, taking in Matsujun's suggestion, before nodding happily. "Matsujun's right!" He beamed, before leaping off to bounce on Sho's lap. "Sho-chan!"

Matsujun smirked at Sho's rather uncomfortable expression as Aiba merrily bounced on his lap. Although it was clear that Sho was rather uneasy with it, he still made no move to stop Aiba. Who would have thought that Sho would be unable to tell Aiba 'no' at all?"

~

It had been almost one entire week since Ohmiya Sk had hooked up, according to Matsujun's calculation, and Ohno, like Sho, had submitted himself to Nino's every whims as far as he can see. If Nino want icecream, Nino get icecream. If Nino decided that he want to 'decorate' a sleeping Aiba's face, Ohno would helpfully provide his color markers so that Nino would have more variety for his masterpiece. It was vaguely entertaining to Matsujun when he see Sho or Ohno pampering their better halves. Who would have thought that the two would be the type to shower extravagant attention on their better halves?

And Nino, Matsujun tilted his head to observe the other sitting in a corner with his guitar, had seemed happy. Though Matsujun really hoped that it was real. Standing up, Matsujun went over to sprawl next to Nino. "Nino-chan..." He whined, using Ohno's nickname for Nino. "What are you doing?"

Nino glanced down at Matsujun distractedly. "Huh?" He mumbled as he scribbled notes onto a sheet of paper. "What?"

Matsujun sighed as he rested his head on one of Nino's legs. "I'm bored." He informed Nino. "So what are you doing?"

Nino gestured to the sheet of paper. "I'm writing a song, you idiot. Can't you see?"

Matsujun grinned. "For leader?" He teased.

Nino blushed furiously. "Don't tell Oh-chan!" He hissed quietly at Matsujun, glancing at Ohno to see if Ohno had overheard. "It's supposed to be a surprise!"

Thankfully, Ohno had been talking to one of the crew and hadn't heard anything. Nino breathed a sigh of relief before giving Matsujun one last glare.

Matsujun grinned at that, not offended at all. "Oh well... So... How's your relationship coming along?"

Nino smiled mischievously. "Curious?" He drawled, teasing Matsujun's curiosity.

"Kind of." Matsujun rolled onto his back. "I was wondering. How did it progress so fast?"

Nino looked thoughtful for a moment. "I suppose you're right. It did progress very fast." He agreed. "And you knew about what happened too."

Then his smile turned mocking when he looked down on Matsujun again. "You want to know about how we got together?"

"I told him that I wanted us to date. And he agreed because it'd make me happy."

"So you think that he agreed because he still feels guilty?" Matsujun asked. "But the necklaces? Isn't it a proof of devotion?"

Nino reached up to touch the necklace he was wearing around his neck. "It's a stupid story." He muttered. "We somehow got each other identical presents for Christmas."

Matsujun impulsively sat up and pulled Nino into a tight hug, eliciting a cry of "MATSUMOTO JUN! MY GUITAR!" from the other. He laughed and ruffled Nino's hair. "Come on, I'm more important than that." He defended himself.

Nino held his precious guitar protectively against himself. "Not when you're mauling my guitar." He sniffed, pouting slightly for a more 'victim' effect. "My poor, poor guitar..." He cooed to it.

"Matsujun mocked scowled. "Fine, let's go drinking tonight after then countdown concert then, my treat." He offered as a compromise.

Nino grinned. "Only if the rest can come along too."

Matsujun rolled his eyes. "Fine." He grumbled as he fished out his keitai to call Toma. "You really know how to milk it for all it's worth."

Nino only grinned at that.

~

Toma decided that he like Arashi alot. He like how they were nice people, how supportive they were of his relationship with Matsujun, and how they had included him in their tight circle. He also like how he had fun whenever he was with them.

He was surprised that Matsujun had called him out for a party when they had a concert beforehand. He was surprised to find all five still bouncing off the ceiling when he met up with them. Weren't they supposed to be at least somewhat, tired?

But Arashi had always surprised him. Like how fast Nino and Ohno had hooked up all of a sudden. Toma smiled to himself when he glanced at the two who were having a private conversation in a corner.

Then an arm wound around him and he was drawn to press up close against another body. Toma's smile grew wider as his own arm went around Matsujun's waist automatically. "Ne, don't keep staring at Ohmiya SK. I don't think they are interested in a threesome." Toma could feel Matsujun's breath tickling his ear as he whispered into Toma's ear.

"Matsujun!" Toma chided with a smile as he leant back comfortably in the other's embrace. "Like you would allow me to have a threesome with them." He retorted.

Matsujun bit down on Toma's neck as part of his argument. "Do you want to?" He asked softly.

Toma twisted around so that he was facing Matsujun, whose eyes were dark with uncertainty. The other, for all his swagger, had bouts of insecurity every now and then. It probably developed from being the youngest in the group. But Toma thought that it was endearing, it gave Toma chances to do lots of um, comforting.

"Baka." Toma leant in for a chaste kiss. "You're the only one for me." He whispered to Matsujun, not caring how mushy that had sounded.

He was rewarded with a brilliant smile from Matsujun, one that he couldn't get enough of even if he sees it everyday. "Baka." He whispered affectionately as he touched his forehead with Matsujun's. "Always asking the obvious."

Matsujun grinned and was about to kiss Toma again when he felt Toma froze. "Toma?" He asked as he pulled back to take a clearer look at Toma's face. "What's wrong?"

Toma sighed and pulled Matsujun closer. "I just saw Yukimura-san." He told Matsujun. "He's one of Nino's one night stands."

Burying his head in the crook of Matsujun's neck, Toma voiced his prayer that nothing would happened tonight. "I hope he wouldn't recognize us and come over. I don't think Ohno-kun would be happy to know about Yukimura-san."

Matsujun tightened his arms around Toma. Somehow, fate had always made it a point to make life 'interesting' for them. Pressing a kiss on Toma's temple, Matsujun silently prayed for the best.

~

Nino like how Oh-chan would pay special attention to him now that they were dating. Perhaps it don't mean much to Oh-chan, but it made Nino very happy when Oh-chan would pay attention to every single detail. It made Nino feel like he was important after all.

The party after the countdown concert had been a good idea in Nino's opinion, as he sat in a corner of the pub with Oh-chan's arms around him. It was nice to have Oh-chan fawn over him. For the past week, Oh-chan had been nothing but sweet and thoughtful to him, making Nino feel like he was almost in heaven.

After that night together, Oh-chan had avoided the topic of sex all the way, even going out of the way to change the topic when the discussion of sexual intercourse came up during one of their breaks. Nino couldn't blame him at all for it. He even found it somewhat amusing and endearing.

Nino smiled as he felt Oh-chan gently bit down on his left ear, causing a shiver to go up his spine. They hadn't had sex again after that night. But, Nino grinned stupidly at the recollection, there had been alot of making out sessions, hot and steamy. Oh-chan's hands and mouth had always been talented, but they were more talented than what people would know.

Judging by the way Oh-chan's hands were wandering, Nino decided that they would probably ended up making out in the toilet, if there weren't people there first, or in his car. Nino was about to ask Ohno if he wanted to go somewhere else, when someone interrupted them.

"Eh? Ninomiya, is that you?"

Both of them looked up, but it was Nino's face that was drained of color when he realized who it was. How could he forget the face, when he had looked down at the guy before, convinced that it was Oh-chan, in his drunken haze?

~

[Arashi] Doubt versus Love - Chapter 20

Wed, 28 Dec 2005 18:31:02 GMT

Rating: PG-13
Pairing: OhnoXNino, ShoXAiba, JunXToma, TXT
Disclaimer: You're an idiot if you sue.
A/N: Please comment?

Chapter 20: Where Matsujun can't wait to get home to Toma, and Ohmiya SK dating

Nino was surprised to see the staff lounging about and drinking coffee when he arrived to work the next day. It was rare not to see the staff bustling about like they're preparing for world war 3. Looking at his watch, he frowned. He might be five minutes early, but shouldn't they be working, like maybe getting the equipment set up?

"Isn't there supposed to be work today?" He voiced up, as he stood, still a little bewildered, in the doorway. His managers looked up at him in surprise. "Nino! You're here!"

"Of course I'm here. There's shooting today, isn't it?" Nino was slowly getting a little annoyed.

Instead of getting to work, his managers grinned. "Nino, even though we said that there's work today, we didn't expect anybody to show up. Even Kitagawa-san doubts that every one of you all would turn up today."

"Eh?"

"Tackey and Tsubasa, Kinki Kids are all no-shows today. SMAP has taken the day off. Two out of six from V6 turned up. Tokio has only one member in today." His manager told him. "Of course, the juniors are just as bad. Only two out of six from KAT-TUN, five out of seven from Kanjani8, one out of six from NewS, and Jimmy Mackey, the rest of the older juniors hadn't turn up for work."

That's bad." Ohno's voice came from behind Nino.

Nino turned to see Matsujun and Ohno behind him. "Ah, Leader! Matsujun!"

One of their managers came up to them. "Look like we have the best turn-up rate among the debuted groups." He remarked. "Now we'll wait and see if the other two would turn up today. Why don't you all go entertain yourselves while we wait?"

Nino grinned. "Yay!" He cheered as he grabbed Ohno's hand and started dragging the other to their dressing room.

"Ne, ne, Oh-chan, I bought a new game the other day! You have to see it! It's really fun!" He chattered happily as they went, not seeing the fond grin on Matsujun's face as he followed the other two to their dressing room.

Matsujun had guessed that there won't be any work for the day, but he had rolled out of bed when his alarm had rang anyway. He thought back to the still sleeping Toma he had left in his bed. Toma probably won't wake till much later, he predicted, seeing as it was still abnormally early to be awake at present. So he had turned up to keep an eye on Ohmiya SK, whom he knew would definitely turn up for work, before running home to greet a just awaking Toma. It was either him or Sho, and he had the feeling that Sho wouldn't be in today.

"Sho-kun and Aiba-chan better call in absent early." He groused as he settled himself on the comfortable couch to watch Ohmiya SK fool around.

The three had been in the dressing room for about an hour when Aiba had called in. By then, Matsujun had found himself being talked, or pouted, into joining in the wrestling. Thus, when one of their managers had turned up at their door, Matsujun had breathed a sigh of relief as he deftly untangled himself from the other two.

Grabbing his bag, Matsujun barely managed a quick goodbye to the other two before bouncing out of the room. He didn't see nor did he cared that the two had exchanged wide grins at his eagerness.

"Ne, Oh-chan, let's go get some ramen, alright?" Nino suggested as he shrugged on his coat. "I'm starving."

Ohno grinned at him. "Alright. Might as well since work is cancelled today."

~

Nino was happy. Not because work is canceled, nor because Oh-chan had very nicely treated him to some very nice ramen. But watching Oh-chan slurped down his second bowl of ramen, Nino couldn't help but smile and feel all happy inside.

He liked it when Ohno spend time with him, and only him. It made him feel warm and comforted. He like it when Ohno would pamper him as well. It made him feel loved.

Although, Nino still wondered what he was to Oh-chan. They had an agreement, but that didn't make them very official. And there was also Miyuki to think about. Oh-chan hadn't mentioned her ever since that morning after. Was Nino Oh-chan's boyfriend, lover, or just best mate?

"Oh-chan..." Nino started as Ohno finally placed the bowl down, satisfied with the amount he had eaten. He waited till Ohno's eyes focused on him. "Are we dating?" He asked, as he gestured to the money Ohno had placed on the table. Ohno had put enough to pay for both his and Nino's share.

Ohno looked a little startled at that. Then he smiled at Nino. "Do you want us to be dating?" He asked as they stood up from the table. He didn't let his preference show. It was all up to Nino. He would agree to whatever that would make Nino happy.

Nino was silent. Was it really up to him to decide whether they're really dating or not? As they stepped out from the shop and into the street, his eyes caught a familiar couple walking ahead of them. Even with the hats and inconspicious clothing, Nino could definitely identify the two as Takki and Tsubasa.

The only word that came to Nino's mind as he stared at their linked hands was 'lucky'. How he wanted to be like them, to be openly holding hands on the streets with Oh-chan, to be able to show his love for the other as and when he feels like it. Yep, he definitely want them to be dating.

"Oh-chan, I want us to be dating." He blurted out to the other who was walking serenely beside him.

Ohno smiled. He had sighted the couple in front of them and he had noticed Nino's wistful gaze at their linked hands too. So if dating would make Nino happy, they would date then. Slipping his hand into Nino's, he smiled at the other. "If Nino wants to be dating, then we'll be dating."

Walking down the street, hand in hand with Oh-chan, like most of the couples on the street, Nino thought that he should be happy, but surprisingly, his tears were threatening to flow instead.

Nino took a calming breath and tightened his fingers around Ohno's hand. He didn't want to let Ohno go. Though at the same time, his heart felt like it was breaking as he realized that Ohno was giving in to his whims. Did Oh-chan really want them to be dating? Or was Oh-chan only doing this because he still felt guilty and wanted to make Nino happy?

Walking down the street, hand in hand with Oh-chan, like most of the couple on the street, Nino thought he should be happy, but he was crying inside. Because Oh-chan doesn't love me, every drop of tear seemed to say as they rained cruelly on his already tattered heart.

~